Fucking

Fucking jokes

What did the blender say to the orange juice?

"What the fuck are you, you are so fucking stupid, shut the fuck up."

How do fuck a really fat chick?

Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.

What did the iceberg say to the Titanic?

"Go fuck yourself... at the bottom of the sea."

Russian Santa Claus- You better watch out, You better not cry, cause if you do I will stab your fucking eye, Russian Santa Claus does not fuck around. He's making a list, He's checking it twice... You better leave out some Vodka with ice!

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    • I've got not much of anything to be honest.

    Been in special classes in school.

    Not liked by people.

    Only relationship I've ever had and she cheated on me.

    31 years old and never had sex, pathetic.

    Not very smart.

    Don't look good.

    Hate myself more than anything.

    Been a failure at everything in life.

    Probably be alone forever.

    People treat me like crap.

    Can't do anything right.

    And the list goes on and on.

    So the question is why haven't I killed myself yet? The answer is, I forget. I'm a extreme procrastinator, keep just putting it off because I'll probably just fuck it up anyway.

    Al Fayed’s son arrives at heaven’s gates and sees his driver.

    He shouts “you stupid cunt!”

    The driver says, “Watch, Boss?”

    Dodi replies...:

    “I said I WANT TO FUCK DI IN THE TUNNEL NOT FUCKING DIE IN THE TUNNEL!”

    Sorry, I don't have a joke here... Just wondering how idiots end up here complaining about offensive jokes when you ended up here. You had to click that section on purpose, right? If you can't take it, piss the fuck off... If I'd be gay and I'd look up gay jokes and get offended... how stupid is that?

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    • This ole boy that's locked up called his ole lady and got into it with her, and she said, "Well, fuck you, I don't need you no more anyway. I got 2 or 3 guys out here wanting me and trying to fuck me."

    He said, "Well, honey, that's the least of my worries. I got 10 or 12 guys in here tryin' to fuck me."

    A husband and wife get into a fight. The wife says, "Go blow off some steam. I’ll let you fuck a hooker." So he does that, comes back, and says, "I’m off the hook now!"

    Quoting the great Jimmy Carr: "When I cook, I make sure there are vegetarian options. They can make do, or they can fuck off."

    P1: What's the difference between a kid and a hooker?

    P2: I don't know.

    P1: Wow, you sick fuck!

    Lil Johnny came home one day and said, "What do fucking each other mean?"

    Then he walked through the living room and his dad was fucking his mom, so oh.

    These people who are offended by rape jokes don’t even understand humor. They think of humor as like a happy thing because humor makes us laugh and laughter makes us happy, but most of the jokes that we laugh at are filled with pain and suffering. If I take a joke like, how many police officers does it take to change a light bulb? None, they just beat the room for being black. Now that joke isn’t making light of the fact that people have marched in the civil rights movement and people have been racially discriminated against. It’s not making light of those, what it’s doing is it’s taking that pain and suffering and making you transcend it for a moment, and showing the absurdity of the human mind, and that is important. Humor at its best takes the bad things in this world that are painful and hard to deal with and makes it something funny.

    And before you go in the comments and say I agree with rape, I don’t. I hope everybody who rapes someone to have their dick cut off. My little sister got fucking raped when she was six, and the guy is lucky he got caught by the police and not me, cause if I caught I would have fucking killed him, so I don’t agree with rape, but I still think rape jokes should still not be taken so seriously!

    Jack and Jill went up the hill to get some water. Jill pulled up her dress and said, "Daddy, fuck me harder."

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