Friends jokes

You say to your slow friend: "Damn, you're slower than Stephen Hawking!" And that takes some talent.

My friend said this to me: "Were you born on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen." :(

I bet my friend $5 that he would drown in the lake.

... It was a bittersweet victory.

Guys, can we change pride month to another month, please? My birthday is in June, and I'm not gay, and my friends keep making fun of me. I think we should change it to March because my brother's birthday is in March, and that'd be funny.

I had to go to my friend's house.

I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???

Me: Do you like smash?

Friend: Smash Rolls?

Me: No, Smash DEEZ NUTS!

Friend: AHHHHH (*moans)

So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.

My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.

What's the difference between me and my best friends?

At least one of us has a house.

I don't have any friends.

If you like this, I can be your friend :)

A girl walks up to her blind friend who she had not seen in a while and says: "Long time no see!"

Hello everyone! I just came back! How are things going?

When you ask your friend, "Can I hear a joke?"

"Sure."

"What do orphans and orange peels have the same?"

"What?"

"They both get thrown out."

Friend: You're adopted.

Orphan: At least I was chosen!

Friend: At least I was kept.

If you've been thinking about singing karaoke with a friend, just duet.

Me: Do you like cobble?

My friend: No.

Me: Gobble deez nuts!

Why didn't the orphans stay at the park for days? Because they had no one to pick them up.

What's an orphan's best friend? A boomerang because it's the only thing that ever came back.

Friend: How's it going?

Me: Good, things are good!

Parent: How are you?

Me: Oh, I'm fine!

Twitter: Compose new tweet?

Me: Hellooooo, I would like to tell you about my anxiety & my current greatest fears & let's talk about the impending apocalypse while we're at it.

My friend asks me what does "idk" mean. I said, "I dion't know." My friend says, "You mean I don't know." I said, "That's what I said!"

If you drop something, make your short friend get it.