Friends jokes

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

You say to your slow friend: "Damn, you're slower than Stephen Hawking!" And that takes some talent.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose 👃, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃.

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets."

So I had an idea: you and a friend go bar (pub (whatever you call it)) hopping and propose to said friend in each one so everyone buys you free drinks and you get drunk and have a great time.

If you drop something, make your short friend get it.

I had to go to my friend's house.

I went in her basement and I saw taped mouths that are KIDS in the basement... Is my friend OK???

My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.

Me: Do you like smash?

Friend: Smash Rolls?

Me: No, Smash DEEZ NUTS!

Friend: AHHHHH (*moans)

Me: I am the second worst thing that happened to these orphans.

Friend: What was the first?

Me: They- they weren't always orphans.

Friend: O-O

Do you know Candice?

"Candice balls" fit in yo mouth.

Hello everyone! I just came back! How are things going?

When you ask your friend, "Can I hear a joke?"

"Sure."

"What do orphans and orange peels have the same?"

"What?"

"They both get thrown out."

What do you call a group of teenage emos?

Suicide squad.

What is the best whey to make friends with an American boy, you bunch?

Friend: You're adopted.

Orphan: At least I was chosen!

Friend: At least I was kept.

Dear Gwen and Prince,

Gwen and Prince, sorry for being mean and cussing and other messed up nonsense. To be honest, I really just wanted to be your friends, all both of you! BTW Prince, Gwen is not dating Aiden...I don't even know who Aiden is! Sorry a million times, Zreina.

So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.

A Spanish magician is trying the disappearing trick. He counts "Uno, dos..." and leaves no trace.

I don't know, my friend did it.

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses.

Does it cycle now? 🚲