Friends jokes

Sis

If your sis makes you mad, so go to your friend's home to play.

If your sis is sad, go tell Mom.

Woman

Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”

Repost

Friend

Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?

Me: Me.

Friend: *does nothing*

(x_x)

I forgot that I don't have friends.

Piggy Bank

What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?

"Ain't you got no cents?"

Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."

Music

People's music when friends are around: *rock*

When they are gone: "Come on, vamanos, everybody let's go!"

Memes

Size

When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."

Antidote

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.

If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

Watch

My lesbian friends bought me a nice watch for my birthday. I think they got confused when I said, "I wanna watch."

Tower

Arab rizz. Are you a tower? Because I wanna blow you up and don't let your friend know about this. Rashid, I told you not to blow it up, I had it.

The greatest Arab pilot, my grandfather.

Woman

Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.

Double Standard

I hate double standards.

Burn a body at a crematorium, you’re “being a respectful friend.” Do it at home and you’re “destroying evidence.”

House

What's the difference between me and my best friends?

At least one of us has a house.

Chick

Person: Did you hear about the black chick on the front of the bus?

Friend: No?

Person: Exactly.

Watch

My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.

Friend

Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.

Dad

What's the difference between me and my mate...

I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.

Innuendo

I told my friend that there was a tree. On that tree, there were four black chickens. I asked how many beaks do the chickens have. He said four.

Then I said there was a white cat. How many teeth does it have? He couldn't answer, so I said, "Looks like you know more about black cocks than white pussy."