Friends jokes

What shoe shop would be a lesbian's best friend, decimen?

When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."

Why'd the emo have no friends?

"Because they like to hang by themself."

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.

If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.

God creates dog.

God: "You are man's best friend."

Dog: "That's pretty sexist."

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak!"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

Person: Did you hear about the black chick on the front of the bus?

Friend: No?

Person: Exactly.

Me: Pretend your name is “puberty.”

Friend: Ok?

Me: I'mma hit puberty!

*hits my friend*

Arab rizz. Are you a tower? Because I wanna blow you up and don't let your friend know about this. Rashid, I told you not to blow it up, I had it.

The greatest Arab pilot, my grandfather.

My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday. I guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch.

What's the difference between me and my mate...

I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.

My friend: Hey, I got 15 kills!

Me: I got 60 kills!

My friend: I didn't know you played Call of Duty!

Me: What's Call of Duty?

What does an Emo do with his friends?

Literally hanging out.

Today, I saw my friend go crazy eating her ham sandwich. When she went to the bathroom, I checked inside her ham sandwich, and there were fresh drugs.

My ex wanted to humiliate me in front of her friends, so she said I was useless in bed.

Should have seen her face when they all disagreed.

If your name is Jack, I think you are a stupid person that leaves their friends and blocks them on everything.

Bob: Can I come to your house to meet your family?

Orphan: I don't have a family.

I'm bored. If you want to friend me in Roblox, my username is Talitha95g and my nickname is talithafromamirica.

Today, me and my best friend went to the Grand Canyon. He was taking up all the space by the edge, and I told him to back up. R.I.P. to him.

If someone who speaks two languages is bilingual, and someone who speaks many languages is multilingual, then what do you call someone who speaks one language?

An American.

You say to your slow friend: "Damn, you're slower than Stephen Hawking!" And that takes some talent.