Friends Jokes

Magician

A Spanish magician is trying the disappearing trick. He counts "Uno, dos..." and leaves no trace.

I don't know, my friend did it.

Nose

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses.

Does it cycle now? 🚲

Nose

You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose 👃, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃.

Orphan

When you ask your friend, "Can I hear a joke?"

"Sure."

"What do orphans and orange peels have the same?"

"What?"

"They both get thrown out."

Name

If your name is Jack, I think you are a stupid person that leaves their friends and blocks them on everything.

Whey

What is the best whey to make friends with an American boy, you bunch?

Orphan

Friend: You're adopted.

Orphan: At least I was chosen!

Friend: At least I was kept.

Cheese grater

So last week I gave my blind friend a cheese grater. The next two weeks he told me that was the most violent book he has ever read.

Friend

Roses are red and violets are blue, my best friend is Sue, and she's blue, too.

(meaning sad)

Apology

Dear Gwen and Prince,

Gwen and Prince, sorry for being mean and cussing and other messed up nonsense. To be honest, I really just wanted to be your friends, all both of you! BTW Prince, Gwen is not dating Aiden...I don't even know who Aiden is! Sorry a million times, Zreina.

Sis

If your sis makes you mad, so go to your friend's home to play.

If your sis is sad, go tell Mom.

Woman

Have you ever noticed when a woman is pregnant all her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats,” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “well done?”

Repost

Friend

Friend: If you could get rid of any one person in your life, who would it be?

Me: Me.

Friend: *does nothing*

(x_x)

I forgot that I don't have friends.

Piggy Bank

What did the piggy bank say to his piggy friend?

"Ain't you got no cents?"

Piggy: "Actually, no. Just pork."

Music

People's music when friends are around: *rock*

When they are gone: "Come on, vamanos, everybody let's go!"

Size

When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."

Antidote

It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.

If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.