Friends jokes

Murder

    • My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

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    • Slide

    • If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered "suislide"?

    Asking for a friend.

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    • Movie

    • Hii! Oh my gosh. It has been forever! How have you guys been? Comment your favorite movie!!!! <3

    Sex

    • A guy went to a bar and said to a friend that he found a girl on the railroads and said they had the best sex ever.

    His friend asked, "Did you get any head?"

    The guy said, "No, I couldn't find it."

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    • Equation

    • I was at my lecture at Oxford. Professor Albert Pessistein was leading the lecture, teaching us new equations. I asked where I can find a drink, due to my dying of thirst. He said, “big games my friend.”

    He then proceeded to teach us, “The greater the Big games, the higher the Bottling!”

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    • Friends memes

    Stalker

    • So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

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    • Visitor

    • I visited my new friend in his apartment. He told me to make myself at home.

    So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

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    • Cheese grater

    • I got my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. He came back a week later and said it was the most violent book he’s ever read.

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    • Religion

    • My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"

    "Islam it is."

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    • Cow

    • A cow is at his friend's house for a sleepover party. Sadly, all of the beds are taken. Where does the cow sleep?

    On the COWch (couch).

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    • Friend

    • My friends were worried that I was making suicide jokes so much, so I said, "Don't worry, you won't have to hear them much longer."

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    • Cock sucker

    • I called my guy friend a cock-sucker the other day. He replied with, "Hey, 20 bucks is 20 bucks."

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    • Story

    • So here’s this funny story, and it’s true.

    So my mom has this friend. When this guy was a kid, he was on the school bus, and this Mexican kid checked him into the aisle, so he hits him across the face with a metal lunchbox, and he started bleeding. Then they both get banned from the bus for a few days, so him and his dad drive to the Mexican kids house, and his dad says to the Mexican kids dad “if your kid ever picks on my kid again, I’m gonna come back to this house and kick your ass!”

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    • Booty

    • Denki: Hey Mineta, I have a joke.

    Mineta: ...go on...

    Denki: Ochako's booty.

    Mineta: I don't get it?

    Denki: Exactly.

    Mineta: *cries T_T*

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    • Music

    • People's music when friends are around: *rock*

    When they are gone: "Come on, vamanos, everybody let's go!"

    Gun

    • Why is a gun like a box of chocolates?

    If you pull one out in class, everyone wants to be your friend.

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    • Plane

    • Me and my friend were cranking 90s in Fortnite, then our other friend joined, started flying a plane. We died like all the people in 9/11.