Friends Jokes

My friend fell on the Nile river and Egypt last week he swears by it, but he’s in denial

How does the skeleton call his friends? With a teleBONE.

when my bro says YOUR MOM when I'm talking when I'm at school talking and my friend says YOUR MOM me punches him;-;

What shoe shop would be a Lesbains best friend decimen

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

My friend came over to my house. He asked where my girlfriend was, and I told him she is in the garden. He said, "That's weird, I didn't see her." I said, " You have to dig a little."

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

My girlfriend went to Tokyo and she died in the tsunami. Since I was sad, my friend told me, "Don't worry, there's plenty more in the ocean".

My lesbian neighbors and my sister gave me a Rolex for my birthday, guess they misunderstood when I said I wanted a watch

*God creates dog* God: "You are man's best friend"

Dog: "That's pretty sexist"

God: "No, man as in- You know what, FUCK IT! You can't speak"

Dog: "....."

God: "And chocolate kills you!"

Dog: "🐶"

I told the ugly friend in my friend group that when they day dream they shouldn't picture themselves because it will just ruin it

I got LEGOs for Christmas and my friend got her father's headstone

Two whores are watching the sun come up, splitting a bottle of Mad Dog and celebrating another night of servicing the general public. One asks the other: "Say. You ever been picked up by the fuzz?" Her friend thinks it over, "No...but I have been swung around by the tits a few times!"

It's sad when the person that gave you memories becomes a memory You know one of the worst feelings ever to exist?

When your parents and friends all still see the happy litte kid you used to be.....

...but in reality, that kid has been long gone for year (not my words)

My friend and I were at the mall, and decided to try on some necklaces. He said l think you should get the one over there, I do, I look at my friend and he’s wearing one with a little extra length so you can adjust it, I asked him did you just break away from your owner to upgrade to clothes and shoes?

my departed uncle was a circus clown before he died

so all his friends came in one car

I went to visit my friend who is a stand up comedian and i asked him "why do you have so much art supplies, clothing fabrics and building supplies in your basement?"

He responded with "I don't know what it is people think I need it all for, but almost every time i perform people tell me I need new material."

I congratulated my friend and losing all that baby weight she started crying told me I should make them for miscarriage like that......

A couple and their friends were riding their tricycle and one wheel fell off. They discussed what to do and finally the friend said why don't you just use me. The boyfriend said why did i not think of using the third wheel.