Husband: Honey, Do you want sex? Whife: No thanks i have a headache. Husband: Is that your final answer? Whife: Mmmmm. Husband: Are you shure? -Whife Yes Husband: No doubts? Whife: No Husband starring a long time at his whife. Husband: Okey, I wanna use my lifeline to call a friend. -
I was going to give my wife chocolates but my fat friends ate them. The wife-"You don't even have friends"
When you ask your friend if he thinks lunch is good but he says that he doesn't taste anything
why did no one turn up to Jhon's funeral? because sally wrote the invitations
Me: you know what's the favourite slogan that Hindus likes the most? My friend: what? Me: kati supari kata paan katiyo ko bhejo pakistan.
pov: you walk up to your short friend and say how is the weather down there
my friends emo i told her to play jumo rope with me she hang herself L
a friend texts to another "hey", they reply, "What's up?". The first friend then replies with a simple answer, "the sky!", but the other friend intervenes and says, "no it's the ceiling!". To then the first friend finishes the greeting with, "unless you're homeless or six feet under."
Friend: Why did you touch me? Me: That guy in the corner with no hair , glasses, really nice, white button up shirt, that drives a white van slow by school zones told me to and he would give me hard candy.
Two hunters are in the woods and one falls to the ground. Terrified, he dials 911 and says “Help! I think my friend is dying. What do I do?” The nurse says, “I need you to make sure he’s dead. The hunter replies, “Ok I’ll be right back.” The nurse is startled after hearing a gunshot. The hunter comes back and says “I checked. Now what do I do?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his heart has completely stopped.” She is startled when she hears the sound of a taser. The hunter comes back and says “What’s next?” The nurse replies, “I need you to make sure his brain has completely shut down.” The nurse is once again startled when she hears the sound of a bone being crushed by what seemed to be a hammer. The hunter comes back and asks “Anything else?” The nurse says “Nope. That’s it.”
One time my friend nutted into my bag of trail-mix. I guess you could say I fucking ate a different kind of nut
once there was a boat its friends said: "it's time to come back." and the boat said: "No way I don't give into pier pressure.
Yesterday I asked my friend “ What is a fish without eyes” They replied “I don’t know” I said “ fsh “
I’m friends with 25 letters, I don’t know y!
I was trying to make friends and this one person came up to me they said “lettuce be friends?” I just laughed and said that was tearable
"Knock,Knock" "Who's There?" "bone" "bone who?" "its nice too meet cha' can we be friends? i'm BONE-ly here."
My friend said I was gay but then I realised he was talking to the mirror
My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room." "Islam it is."
best friend *hold a sign up that says "what gender are you"* Me:uh male?.. best frend *then unfolds paper so it reads "what gender are you attracted to?"* Me: you silly goose *silence for like three sec* Me:still male though-
