Friends jokes

When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.

Friend: Ur sister after you were born. 😭

Me: Ur brother after chemotherapy. 😵

Therapy - Expensive - Years of hard work - Emotionally draining - Tough to find

Screaming in the woods - Free - Immediate relief - Scares hunters enough to leave, therefore saving innocent animals - Potential to make friends with people who are also screaming in the woods.

I tried a lemonade from my friend. It tasted fantatastic!

My emo friend tried to hi-five a tree. It left him hanging.

Meant to say my friend's nan, not man.

Me: What are we doing in HPE?

Friend: Fitness.

Me: Fitting deez nuts in your mouth.

My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."

My boyfriend and I were playing baseball last night with some of our friends. Halfway through the game we took a break and he asked me to hold his balls for him whilst he went to the toilet.

All our friends were shocked when I went into the boys' bathroom with him.

My friend's man has seizures, so guess who won their breakdancing tournament.

Me: I have an arrow in my head.

My friend: What's the point of that?

Me: Of the arrow?

Friend: No!

Me: Probably the flint.

My Dearest Friend--C'mon, RickRoll ;)

You can pick your friends and you can pick your 🤥 nose, but you can't pick your friends' noses 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃 👃.

Does it 🚲 🚲 🚲 cycle now?

Friends = your power level.

Emo kid = power level: 0000.

You: I have a nice hairline.

Your friend: Since when do you have one?

You: I forgot.

My friend is so ugly, she got surgery twice, but not even that could fix her.

Dwarfism is a growing problem.

Kidding, that’s not funny. My friend died of dwarfism.

He jumped off a curb stone.

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

Why can't orphans call their friends?

Because they don't have a home phone!

The name is Ash, Johnathan Ash. My friends call me Jack.