Friends jokes
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?
Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.
A man runs into a church and shouts, "Are there any dwarf nuns in the monastery?" The Pope said no, causing the man to say to his friend, "I told you you fucked a penguin!"
Little Brown Bear (LBB): Why did Santa take the kitty and all of my toys, Mummy?
His mom: Maybe because you're the second most massive shit stain besides Caillou.
*Krampus comes down the chimney to eat LBB*
Krampus: Should’ve been better, Little Bear.
LBB: Help, Mummy! He’s the Scratchy monster!
Shrek: Just kidding, it’s not Krampus, but indeed me and Black Donkey instead, and we’re going to poop on your floor.
Duggie: Hopefully Marvin doesn’t see us, and by the way, want some purplish Kool-Aid?
Yo mama so dumb, when I told her my friend was mute she said, “Can't you unmute her?”
When my friend eats a mint, I say, "Hey, is it mint to be sweet?"
I fucked the shit outta of my friend's mom with my 8 inch dick (Adrian). PS. Sorry, Adrian!
The orphan's best friend wanted to meet his family, so he took a selfie.
Are you my friend?
Because I would make you more than that.
Dr. Dre caught his friend Snoop Dogg looking in other people's drawers. Dre then said, "Don't Snoop around."
Three girls were lined up for execution. The black-haired one, being the smart one, turned around and yelled, "Tornado!"
Everyone panicked, and she escaped. The red-headed one, following her example, shouted as the executioners got back, "Hurricane!"
The red-headed friend escaped too. Now, it was the blonde's turn. Following both her friends, she turned to the executioners and yelled:
"Fire!"
Guys, I am Aly's friend, Ava. Come over here.
My best friend is transgender; she transitioned from a man into a woman. I think it's courageous of her to take a pay cut like that.
Orphan: *crying* You: Do you know where your parents are? Orphan: No. Your Friend: They don't have parents!!! You: 😂 I know.
Your friend took a shower and used Pantene, but I got a watermelon to keep me clean.
My friend told me to beat that pussy up... so why is the local animal control at my door?
Me at the Oscars when I see Jada Pinkett Smith, I said: "G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I. Jada 2, can't wait to see it."
So Will Smith is laughing and then suddenly, Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face.
Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigga Smith goes: "KEEP MY WIFE'S NAME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!" Me: "Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers."
Why couldn't Sally write with the pen? (Friend: Idk, why?) Because she had no arms.
Why couldn't Sally play Tennis? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Yes, she had no arms.
Why did Sally fall off the swing? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) No, Joe pushed her.
Why couldn't Sally pick up the box? (Friend: *Some weird guess*) Because she had no arms.
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? (Friend: Because she had no arms?) Because she got hit by a bus.
Knock Knock. (Friend: Who's there?) Not Sally.
Me and my friend roasting each other.
Him: Your dad dropped you on purpose, but my dad dropped me by accident.
Me: But after dropping you, he never picked you up.
I was at school with friends. One of my friends had hair in her armpits. The rest of my friends and I tried not to laugh or say anything, until one of my friends laughed and told her she had hair in her armpits, so she ran to her locker to get hair remover and went to one of the restroom stalls.
What does a piece of gum and a gun have in common?
You pull one out, everyone wants to be your friend.