Friends jokes

Friend 1: How can the skeleton tell it was going to rain?

Me: He could feel it in his bones.

Friend 1: No, he read the forecast, you fucking idiot!

Heheh ;3

My friend made a joke about dogs. I said it was a RUFF joke.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To see his friend.

Knock knock.

Who's there?

The chicken.

So Timmy was walking down the street with his friend Lea. Suddenly a car drives by and Timmy waves at the car.

Lea looks at him, puzzled, then later asks him; "Why'd you wave at that car back there?"

Timmy replies "Oh that was my brother, he went to the bar. He must just be driving home..."

I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?

She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"

To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"

I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?

She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"

To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"

When your friend gets involved with someone, it affects the friendship. Whenever a friend of mine has a new girlfriend, we should say I looked like the person you used to know, but I've been modified to survive in this relationship. If we have an argument and she's there, I might disagree with you; I'd rather continue to see her naked.

Q. What do you say when your friend has an abortion?

A. May your baby rest in pieces.

Why do asscheeks make great friends?

They always stick together!

My friend is a pimp.

I think he's having an existential crisis. Lately, he just wants to be alone with his thots.

Your hairline goes so far back, your mom is scared you're not going to make friends.

I asked my friend what happened to him?

His balance shifted.

My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.

"Yo, Gabriella, any idea where our other friends are?"

You: I have a nice hairline.

Your friend: Since when do you have one?

You: I forgot.

Friends = your power level.

Emo kid = power level: 0000.

My friend is so ugly, she got surgery twice, but not even that could fix her.

So I went to a church the other day and I asked my friend, "Is that painting of Jesus and is it through the wall with one with three nails?" Oh wait, I wasn’t even Jesus, he’s not doing the T post that he invented.

Why can't orphans call their friends?

Because they don't have a home phone!

The name is Ash, Johnathan Ash. My friends call me Jack.