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Friends jokes

A Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar.

These two have been great friends for over 20 years...play golf together...and meet every Tuesday at a classy bar for a glass of wine...talk about golf...good wine and spiritual matters. One day while at the bar enjoying a glass of merlot, the Rabbi raises his glass of wine and says to his long time friend.."brother, do you believe Jesus turned water into wine?"...the Priest thinks for a moment and raises his glass of wine and replies..."yes brother, I do believe Jesus turned water into wine...but don't get excited...since Jesus was Jewish, the wine was probably Manischewitz."

Me: A lot of things changed since I got my wife pregnant.

Friend: Like what?

Me: My name, my address, my phone number...

I used to work for a company called 69. My friend took over my position.

I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.

I visited my friend at his new house. He told me to make myself at home.

So I threw him out. I hate having visitors.

I was playing Mortal Kombat with my friend when he picked the fighter Pristiano Penaldo. I won and the voice didn't say "Finish him," so I couldn't do a fatality.

I was confused, but I understood that the game didn't let me finish him because he is already finished.

I was at school today, and one of my friends said after a test, "Man, that was hard." After that, I started laughing and I said, "That's what she said."

Boy: "Why can't you get a family?"

Me: "Why can't you get a rope?"

Boy: "What do you mean?"

Friend and me: "We can show you."

Me: "I will tie the rope."

Friend: "I will push the chair."

Dwarfism is a growing problem.

Kidding, that’s not funny. My friend died of dwarfism.

He jumped off a curb stone.

I'm bored. If you want to friend me in Roblox, my username is Talitha95g and my nickname is talithafromamirica.

A kid tell me he was gonna f**k my mom on Fortnite! So I told him I was gonna double pump his mom until she was wet like moisty meyers.

Like if you're not a gay.

Dislike if you're furry.

Repost if you HATE blacks.

Comment for VBUCKS.

Sub to me on YouTube, it's my friend and he has aids, send him joeide53rygq2ej/le nb rfcshsu 3nurtv N3Q5UERIUGWTC7w2VWGYEHIWAWASERYAANFYINSIDEFREHJOBUGFUYWUSGRFYDIDYFRG911

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    • Dang... if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put D IN U ;)

    I only know there are 25 letters in the alphabet, I don't know Y.

    (Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?) -- (Friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T)

    (Me: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?) -- (Crush: No, there is actually 26.) -- (Me: oooOoh, I forgot u r a qt! So its acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?) -- (Crush: You forgot the D) -- (Me: That's not needed yet ;])

    What letter is really hot? T

    C = cOCK O = CoCK C = COcK K = COCk COCK = cock cock = COCK

    ME SExUAL SRrY LoL

    A boy and his friend were walking down the street.

    Boy 1: "Bro, you still got my Nikes?"

    Boy 2: "Yeah, sorry. I got them dirty."

    Boy 1: "Please clean them, we have school tomorrow."

    Boy 2 got back to his house and decided to clean his friend's shoes. After he finished drying them, he got stuck in his painfully small dryer. Then he remembered his brother needed something from the dryer. So he tried to get out, when his brother came in.

    He came in twice.

    (like if u understand)

    When you can’t see your adopted joke pop up, it’s the same as asking your adopted friend where their parents are and never finding it.

    Remember what one of my gay friends told me: it's only cannibalism if you swallow.