Football jokes
Why does New York have the Jets as their football team if those are what took out the Twin Towers?
What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?
I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.
I was born and raised in Newcastle.
My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.
Cristiano Clapnaldo woke up FEELING DANGEROUS against Real Sociedad!
- 0 tapins! - 0 assists! - 3/3 dives! - 0 key passes! - 2 big chances missed! - 1/4 dribbles! - 2 Offsides! - 27 claps!
Better than Elanga?
He's got a massive f*cking cock, Ayew, Ayew. He tucks it in his football sock, Ayew, Ayew. Shagged a bird and now she's dead, Swung his cock around her head, Jordan Ayew Palace number nine.
What burns up a football stadium?
A football match.
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”
What's Africa's greatest sporting achievement? The 2018 World Cup...
Touch Down.
There was a recent football match between Ethiopia and Egypt.
Egypt 8, Ethiopia 0.
As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.
My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."
Roses are red, CEO's are white, Patrick Mahomes says, the refs are always right.
Who am I rooting for during the Super Bowl? Easy. Taylor Swift.
Why did the football player go to the bank?
To get his quarter back.
Why didn't the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn't in it!
Fuck the Green Bay Packers!
What's Penaldo's least favorite food?
Indian Murukku, because it reminds him of Morocco! 🤣🤣🤣
Yo Mama is so stupid, she thought the football team Rams were actually the animal rams.
Why can't an orphan play football? Because they don't have a dad or mom.
What’s the best form of contraception?
Being a soccer fan.