Football jokes
Why don’t Pakis play football? Because they only hold onto balls attached to prepubescent boys' cocks.
Why were the Twin Towers so good at football? They were the best wide receiver of their time!
Why does Michael Jackson like football, baseball, and tennis? Because of the "balls".
He's got a massive f*cking cock, Ayew, Ayew. He tucks it in his football sock, Ayew, Ayew. Shagged a bird and now she's dead, Swung his cock around her head, Jordan Ayew Palace number nine.
What's the difference between soccer and a dead baby?
I don't wear steel cap boots when I play soccer.
I was born and raised in Newcastle.
My grandfather used to tell me stories about Penaldo, a goblin from Portugal that travels to England when Newcastle is playing. He scores a tapin and then disappears until the next Newcastle game. I still have nightmares that he’s in our stadium.
Two flies were playing football in a saucer. One tells the other, “You’ll need more practice if you want to play in the cup!”
What burns up a football stadium?
A football match.
What's Africa's greatest sporting achievement? The 2018 World Cup...
Touch Down.
There was a recent football match between Ethiopia and Egypt.
Egypt 8, Ethiopia 0.
As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.
My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."
Roses are red, CEO's are white, Patrick Mahomes says, the refs are always right.
Why did the football player go to the bank?
To get his quarter back.
Why didn't the skeleton play football?
His heart wasn't in it!
Fuck the Green Bay Packers!
Why can't an orphan play football? Because they don't have a dad or mom.
What’s the best form of contraception?
Being a soccer fan.
As an honest Penaldo fan, I have to admit he is a penalty merchant. He can only score against farmer teams like Spezia. He never shows up against great teams like Barcelona.
I've come to realize my hero Penaldo will never be better than Messi. My idol Penaldo is sadly finished.
What did Sally get for her birthday? A football!
Only joking; she hasn't opened the box yet.