Fly jokes
What do you call a Flying Pilot?
He pee on the plane.
Why did the penis go fly?
Because a girl sucked it too hard, it went flying away.
What do you call a Flying Pilot? Because he can go pee on the plane!
Why are cancer kids so fly?
Because they got the drip.
A German, a Swiss, and a Russian make a bet: whoever has the most forest area in their country wins about 10,000 euros.
First, they fly over Switzerland: 8,000 square kilometers of forest. The German starts getting cold feet, as he doesn't think he'll win. Next, they fly over Russia: 50,000 square kilometers of forest. The German realizes he doesn't stand a chance unless he cheats.
When they fly over Germany, they see 10,000 square kilometers of forest. The German seems to have won, but then the Swiss shouts: "That's a tree!" The German was accused of fraud.
The German is furious. He calls the head of the Bundeswehr: "Why did the tree move?!" The boss said, "I'll put the guy who moved on the line," and passed the receiver over.
"Why did you move?" the German asked.
The young man replied: "Okay, when a dog came along and peed on my trunk, that was still fine. But then a bear came along and rubbed against my trunk..."
He was so close but so far
Who are the fastest readers on Earth?
The pilots flying the 9/11 planes. They went through 6 stories in 5 seconds.
What's the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?
I don't know, I just fly the drone.
My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.
I bet Kobe failed flying school.
My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets!"
What's the difference between an Al Qaeda Base and a Pakistani School?
"I don't know man, I just fly the drones."
Why can’t orphans fly? Because they’re still winging it.
You are so skinny that they won't let you ride a fucking roller coaster because you flew before.
There is this fish, and this fish thinks if that fly drops 6 inches, I’m gonna jump out the water and eat that fucking fish!
Then there is a bear, he thinks if that fly drops six inches, that fish jumps up - I’m gonna run out there and eat that fucking fish!
This huntsman also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps up, bear runs out, eats the fish. I’m gonna shoot that fucking bear.
Unbelievably there is a tiny little brave mouse, who also thinks to himself 🧐 if that fly drops six inches, fish jumps, bear runs, huntsman shoots,
He’s bound to drop that cheese sandwich in his back pocket!!!!
I’m gonna eat that fucking cheese sandwich!!
Meanwhile...
there’s This cat!!!’ He sees what’s going on - if they fly drops six inches -the fish =bear =huntsman =mouse eating the cheese sarnie....
Easy pickings...
Anyway bang 💥 the fly drops six inches. Fish jumps up. Bear grabs the fish. Huntsman shoots the fucking bear,
DROPS HIS CHEESE SARNIE!!
Cat runs after mouse trying to get the cheese sarnie
The cat slips over him (stacks it) cat falls in the river...
LONG STORY I KNOW BUT THE MORAL OF THE STORY IS...
every time a fly drops six inches a pussy get wet)
WALLOP... try remembering all that in A pub pissed. Xx
Stop with the 9/11 jokes, people. They're just not gonna fly.
Why do birds fly upside down over Poland?
There's nothing worth shitting on.
My wife and I went to the bar to get a drink, but 2 mins later, I see her dead on the ground. I guess she couldn't see the bottle flying at her face. Then I laughed and went home.
What do you call a bottle of water flying over Africa?
A UFO.
Desmend: FLY
Draco: FLY
Me: DIE
You're so skinny, if someone farts in your direction, you will fly away.