Fly Jokes

Jack and Jill went up to an abandoned house.

Jack drank too much and unzipped his fly. Jack said, "You know you wanna." Jill said, "No." So Jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in Jill's mouth, tied her to a bed. He ripped off her dress and underwear. He took off his pants and his underwear too, then put on a condom. He then put a pill in her mouth and made her swallow. One minute later she was asleep. He took off her gag and mounted himself on her, then stuck his "candystick" in her mouth, next her fanny. Then his condom broke, but he was too drunk to notice. Nine months later a baby's born and Jack's in jail as the father.

I once was sitting outside and watched the birds go by. I checked my watch and said, "My, how time is FLYING by!"

Why did the penis go fly?

Because a girl sucked it too hard, it went flying away.

What do you call a Flying Pilot?

He pee on the plane.

Why are cancer kids so fly?

Because they got the drip.

A four-panel comic strip shows a character reacting to different kinds of traps. The first panel shows a character looking at a venus flytrap and asking, "Why would a fly land on something like this?" The second panel shows the same character looking at a rat trap and saying, "Rats should be ashamed for falling in this trap". The third panel shows the character looking at a bear trap and yelling "BEARS!! This is ridiculous!" The fourth panel shows the character looking at the Communist Manifesto book and happily saying, "Oooo free stuff". The book has portraits of Karl Marx and Frederick Engels.

What do you call a Flying Pilot? Because he can go pee on the plane!

My friend asked me if bees can fly in the rain. I replied, "Not without their yellow jackets!"

I bet Kobe failed flying school.

My friend said she wanted to fly, so I pushed her off a building.

Why can’t orphans fly? Because they’re still winging it.

What's the difference between an Al Qaeda Base and a Pakistani School?

"I don't know man, I just fly the drones."

What do you call a bottle of water flying over Africa?

A UFO.

My wife and I went to the bar to get a drink, but 2 mins later, I see her dead on the ground. I guess she couldn't see the bottle flying at her face. Then I laughed and went home.