Fitness jokes

Do you know what the secret is to have a smoking hot body?

Cremation.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Candis.

Candis who?

Candis nuts fit in your mouth?

What's the best thing about being a pedophile? You can choose the fit profession where you find kids most.

Have you heard of the Xbox game Sea of Thieves?

See if these nuts fit in your mouth.

Not a joke, but here's a good workout, I guess:

Sit-ups: 50

Push-ups: 40

Squats: 30

Do 5 sets.

What's the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?

I can only fit three fingers inside the bowling ball.

The guy in the wheelchair at my gym can do so many pull-ups with the wheelchair on, but I said to him, "Don't skip leg day."

Knock knock.

Who's there?

Insomnia.

You'll fit right in along with Depression and anxiety, you can help keep me awake at night because Depression is struggling with that... Well now I can't cry myself to sleep anymore...

How many people can you fit in a car?

6 - 3 in the back, 2 in the front, and my nan in the ashtray.

Yo mama is so unfamiliar with the gym, she calls it James.

Three women walk into a bar and start talking about how loose they are. One fits a sausage, another fits a cucumber, the third one slides down the barstool.

Why did the rapper join a gym?

To get those SICK BARS.

Chuck Norris doesn't need protein bars. He just eats his own shit.

Question: Do you know who Candis is?

Answer: Can dis dick fit in your mouth?

Yo mama so fat, she needed cheat codes for Wii Fit!

Men built civilisations. Men went to the moon. Men invented the modern comforts of today’s society.

Women did none of those. They are useless, only fit to be baby making machines.

Me: What’s that girl’s name from Phineas and Ferb, the sister?

Crush: Candice.

Me: Candice dick fit in your mouth?

Crush: *slaps me, walks away*

Knock knock?

Who's there?

Willis.

Willis who?

Willis dick fit in yo mouth?!

How many children can you fit in a box?

Maybe five if you have a trash compactor.

POV: Wine Taster in hell.

I was sitting with the best wine ever made on the table in front of me. This silhouette begins to speak, "You have risen to be the most superb Wine Taster on Earth. Then you got run over by a truck hauling freshly made wine to a warehouse. Your crimes are as follows: you left your high school prom date with another man after you got her pregnant, you let your mother believe that the cat ran away after you drowned it in the pool, and you never got married. How do you plead?"

The man looked at the silhouette like it was a purple rabbit.

"Guilty," said the man, "but if you would be so kind would you at least tell me what the wine in front of me tastes and smells like? I will take any punishment you deem fit."

"Very well," said the silhouette, "but you will regret that request."

Out of the shadows comes a boy only looking 19 years old. The boy says, "I will you taster today. I am confident about my sense of taste." The boy takes the first bottle and opens it, pours it into a wine glass, and swirls it around. He then takes a sniff and begins to drink, to the Wine Taster he says, "Mmmm, taste like chicken."