Fitness jokes
There was a boy in the gym who was in his late teens. He was sitting at the dumbbells tables, but he wasn't lifting. He instead, sat up and was ripping something up.
The manager then walked over to him and asked, "You're hogging the dumbbells, dude! What are you even doing?" The boy hesitated, then said, "Getting ripped, wanna join me?" as he held up stacks of blank paper. The man silently sat on the table with him and grabbed some papers. "Why not?" he finally said.
When should you discourage your husband from exercising and dieting? When he wants to fit in your clothes!
“Which tool,” Andrea Bocelli asks Chris Doemges, “fits best in the mailbox?”
Doemges: “Probably the flathead screwdriver!”
I don’t know why I go to the gym. Being healthy is dying as fast as possible, and I really want to speed that shit up.
My favorite thing to do in libraries is put cookbooks in the women’s sports section.
"Orla Doyle is fit."
How do you fit 53 babies into a box?
First get a blender...
How do you fit a hundred babies into a small bucket?
With a blender.
Wow, you did 10 chin-ups? Was it 1 for each chin?
How many people fit in a tree?
I don't know, you tell me.
Yo momma so fat that she could fit the entire map of the world on her body.
Your head is so big, it looks like traffic is able to fit on it!
Why don’t I shut myself all the time?
I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.
You're so fat that when they tried to print a picture of you through the computer, they couldn't fit you in the whole picture because you were so big!
Your mum is so fat, when she roleplayed Wonder Woman, she couldn't fit in the invisible jet.
How many skinny people can fit in a tub? I don't know; they keep slipping down the drain.
Me: What's the fifth month of the year?
Friend: May.
Me: May deez nuts fit in your mouth?
Me: How do cowboys say hello?
Friend: Howdy.
Me: How do deez nuts fit in your mouth?
"Candice balls fit up your nose."
Do you know Wildee?
What's that?
Will deez nuts fit into your mouth?