First Jokes

Two horses are standing in a field. "I'm so hungry I could eat a horse," says the first.

"Moo!" says the second.

A young boy is in a tepee with his father, just after his sister's naming ceremony. Curious to how it works, he asks his dad, "Father, why is my sister's name Tulip?" His father responds, "That is her name because a tulip was the first thing she saw when she first opened her eyes." The boy was still puzzled. "What about big brother Sparrow?" "His name is Sparrow because a sparrow landed on him when he first began walking." The boy finally asked how he was named. "Well, we decided to name you the same way as your sister." The boy nods with understanding, "Thank you, father." "No problem, Two-Dogs-Fucking."

I just went on a date with a woman in a wheelchair

I stood her up, which made her fall for me. At first it was a drag, but now we’re rolling

How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.

What is the worst thing you can find out about a woman on a first date? She claims to have been raped. Then, you know to get as far away from her as possible because she's probably a feminazi bitch.

I was talking to my welsh friend the other day and he suddenly started talking welsh to me then collapsed after the first few sentences. Turns out he had a stroke

Why can’t the blind man find love, It’s called love at first sight.

if at first you don't succeed Maybe Russian Roulette isn't for you

Today was a bad day. First My ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver

My undergrad was killer. It was murder in the first degree.

I now know what my first tattoo should be, zebra stripes! Not like anyone would know the difference between them.

Radiohead had to remake Fake Plastic Trees after encountering Carrie Underwood in real life for the first time.

I was walking down the street and saw a kid and I said are you an orphan

He said yeah what gave my away

I said your parents at first

Son: Dad I had sex for the first time. Dad: Would you like to talk about it? Son: Sure Dad: Sit down and lets talk about it. Son: I can't my butt hurts.

I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.

"I didn't get the joke at first but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.

if messyourself was on the titanic he would die first

Crucifixion was the first T-pose

3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, "u would never believe what i discovered." intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. "oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with," i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "oh sh*t...."