First jokes
My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.
So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.
In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.
Which one fell first?
The depressed kid or the feather? Look at 1st comment to see answer.
The first ever picture of a black hole got released. It sucks.
My first name is Al and my last name is Coholic :) #yuengling.f/wat
What do you call Cyanne when she first wakes up? Nanny McPhee.
Wouldn’t the person be dead before the strangling starts? Unless Alastor did surgery?
A vegan and a transgender jump off a cliff to see who will hit the bottom first.
Who wins?
Society.
Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find the first base they came from.
A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.
A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.
"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"
"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.
"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"
"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.
"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."
First bite: Oh my God!
Second bite: Oh my, God!
Yo mama is so old that she was born on the first day the universe existed.
What's the second hardest thing in the morning?
The first hardest thing. 🍆
Me: Do you take milk before cereal, or cereal before milk?
The adult person I asked: Cereal?
Me: I take the bowl first! What do you do? Do you just pour everything on the table and then eat it?
The person: Yes.
Me: WHAT?!!!??!!
At first, I didn't like Big Ben, but then I went there and the experience was un-BELL-ievable!
Math puns are the first SINE of madness! Mwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going to the airport, which one gets there first? The lesbian, duh, they get there "lickety-split."
In geometry class, the teacher went up to the board and drew a 23-degree angle.
She then drew a 67-degree angle. The class was astonished when the angles started talking! The first one said, "That's a lovely blouse you're wearing," and the second one chimed in, "And I love what you've done with your hair."
The students asked the teacher if she knew what was going on. She sighed and said, "Well, these angles are supposed to be complementary, but I guess they don't know how to spell."
The first thing the emo did at the party is to pin the gun to their head.
A husband came back from a business trip and found out that his wife was pregnant. At first, he got a bit suspicious, but then he just ignored it and hugged his wife with happiness. The second when he met his friend and told him the news, the friend just said, "Wait, what? I thought she was on pills!"
What is a terrorist's first move in chess?
C4.
This Native American won't stop talking bad about me, so I said, "Please stop acting like you first discovered this land belonged to your ancestors!"