First jokes

The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is...

Wait, where are we again?

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.

What did the blind man say the first time he touched sandpaper?

“What in the world did I just read?”

Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high-ranking position in the US government?

Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?

What are the three worst years of a black child's life?

First grade!

I lost my virginity to a girl with Down syndrome.

I want my first time to be special.

Being the first to move in chess.

It’s a white privilege.

What did God say when he made the first woman?

"Where is your dick at?"

I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.

Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

Because orange is the new black.

You can't lose Kahoot if you "kashoot" the class first.

Did you hear about the guy that went to a nudist colony? The first day was his hardest.

Just saw the news that Kobe passed. I guess there's a first for everything.

What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his first boyfriend?

There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”

The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”

The third blonde says “so we go at night.”

If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.

*P.O.V orphan wanting to go on school trip/camp*

Teacher: “Can I have your parent's signature? It isn’t filled out.”

Orphan: “Um yeah.... That’s gonna be hard....”

Teacher: “Why?”

Orphan: “I just have to find them first....”

Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?

Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.

Why can’t orphans play baseball? Because they can’t find the first base they came from.