First jokes

I told my brother if he wanted to have a wonderful first day of school, then he should put a cookbook in the women's sports section at the school library.

Being the first to move in chess.

It’s a white privilege.

I got fired my first day at the bank. This old lady told me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

You can't lose Kahoot if you "kashoot" the class first.

On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student, "What are your parent's names?"

The student replied, "My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling."

The teacher said, "Are you kidding?"

The student said, "No, Kidding is my brother, I am Joking."

Women should have the right to choose whether they want to do cooking or cleaning first.

What falls first, the emo or the leaf? The leaf. The emo was hanging.

The first rule of the Alzheimer’s club is...

Wait, where are we again?

Police: Come with me, I’m taking you home.

Orphan: Well, we need to find them first.

Police: Then I don’t need to take you home.

When she saw her first strands of grey hair, she thought she'd dye.

So, she went to see the "You Should Be Shot" Photography Studio.

Did you hear about the guy that went to a nudist colony? The first day was his hardest.

What did the blind man say the first time he touched sandpaper?

“What in the world did I just read?”

Hillary Clinton lost last time to the first African American president, Barack Obama. Why will she lose this one to Donald Trump?

Because orange is the new black.

What did Jeffrey Dahmer do after dumping his first boyfriend?

Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high-ranking position in the US government?

Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?

What are the three worst years of a black child's life?

First grade!

There were 3 blonde scientists...wait that’s not the joke. The first one said “we are going to pilot the first unmanned spacecraft to land on the sun.”

The second one said “but we can’t do that - if we get within 5 feet of the sun we’ll freeze to death!”

The third blonde says “so we go at night.”

Two scientists walk into a bar. The first one says, "Can I have a drink of H2O?" Then the second says, "Can I have a drink of H2O2?" and he dies.

If anyone ever makes a time machine, please make a bunker for Hitler/the Nazis and send them to 2050. I want to see who would die first, future us or them.

What song did Michael Jackson come up with after his first sleepover with the kid?

"Just Beat It."