First jokes
When Hitler killed himself, he shot himself twice. The first one was Operation Barbarossa, and the second one was his death.
My science teacher was talking about natural selection.
At one point, she asked me to name the first person to theorize about it. I said, "Eric Harris." It was on his shirt.
If you don't get the joke, look up "Eric Harris natural selection."
One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"
Sorry, I got the joke wrong the first time.
Two lepers meet on the street.
First says "How are you doing?"
Second says "Mustn't crumble!"
You when you face the boss the first time: :)
You when Dark Souls boss music starts playing on the second phase: :(
You when you ask why do you hear boss music: <(
You when the boss goes straight to his final phase after 1 hit:
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When I look at you, I wish I could meet you again for the first time... and walk past.
The first time I heard your voice, my foreskin fell off.
What did God say when he created the first black person?
"Behold, this specimen of divine integrity!"
What's the second hardest thing in the morning?
The first hardest thing. 🍆
If boys are like sports because they are easy to play, then girls are like a sandwich. They are nice at first, but they're crusty after.
An emo and a leaf fall from a tree, which hits the ground first?
The leaf, because the emo got caught by the rope.
Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.
First (DYM 68).
If at first you can't succeed, then wait to be the last!
What is the epitome of being quick on the draw?
Coming both first and last in the same round of "soggy biscuit".
One woman said to the other, "This child is truly cruel!"
The second woman replied, "Did I say 'child'?"
The first woman said, "I beg your pardon; I didn't know you were my father!"
My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."
An old woman walks into an outdoor supplies store.
"I'd like an infrared gorilla," she says.
The clerk proceeds to give her an infrared gorilla from the back room.
"We've had hundreds of these things in the back for ages," exclaims the clerk. "You're the first person who's actually wanted one."
Every one is talking about glory holes, so I decided to look into one.
I was doing renovations on a house and found a wall with a glory hole. I was going to remodel it, but it's load bearing. I asked a gay carpenter how to fix this, and he advised that I check out the studs first to make sure they were uncut.
Eventually, I gave up and just put my nuts through the hole. Now they're walnuts.