First jokes

An emo and a leaf fall from a tree, which hits the ground first?

The leaf, because the emo got caught by the rope.

Looking at me is like being on your phone, in a car, on a long trip. You're fine for the first 10 minutes, then after that you feel sick.

Who was the first anesthesiologist? Hitler.

My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!

And he's not even left the house yet!!!

Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?

In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.

This is 15 first-year treating a swan.

Students return: "Without payment?"

The word "I die with many important problems."

Later, you answer this point: "DSD, rats?"

First bite: Oh my God!

Second bite: Oh my, God!

I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂

Yo momma so queer that she thinks Paige Stawicki will be the first female in the NHL.

See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.

Why did the first fence hate the other fence?

The second fence used some of-fensive language.

A sibling went up to their other sibling and said, "Dad said you're adopted."

The other sibling said, "You are, too."

Then the first sibling goes, "No, I'm not."

And the sibling says, "We're twins."

The other kid goes, "And you're adopted... oh."

Q: Why do men say "ladies first?"

A: So they can look at their a**.

How ironic is this?! I was playing Jenga before the first plane hit the Twin Towers.

My science teacher was talking about natural selection.

At one point, she asked me to name the first person to theorize about it. I said, "Eric Harris." It was on his shirt.

If you don't get the joke, look up "Eric Harris natural selection."

I was literally cradlesnatched as a child.

Yeah, in the arms of an older woman experiencing my first rounds of motorboating.

Patient: I am sorry, it is my first surgery.

Doctor: Don't worry, mine too.🫡👍

My brother goes into the bar and says, "Bartender, give me 12 beers and a shot of whiskey." The bartender says, "That's a lot of alcohol." My brother says, "I'm celebrating my first blowjob." The bartender said, "Let me buy you a drink." My brother said, "No, this should be enough to get the taste out of my mouth."

Hola! This is when I pranked my mom! I took a fake lobster and put it in the toilet. The fake lobster was in your attic, used for lobster parties, but anyway, I put the fake lobster in the toilet, so when my mom comes in she will find it and overreact to it. Well, she did not overreact, she FREAKED OUT OVER IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

First she screamed and then she looked at it and she saw it was fake. laterrrrrrr that's the prankster!

Three drunk guys entered a taxi.

The taxi driver knew that they were drunk, so he started the engine and turned it off again. Then said, "We have reached your destination." The first guy gave him money, and the second guy said, "Thank you." The third guy slapped the driver. The driver was shocked, thinking the third drunk knew what he did. But then he asked, "What was that for?" The third guy replied, "Control your speed next time, you nearly killed us!"