First jokes

When I saw Stephen Hawking for the first time, I knew he had been in a shop!!! I lieeeeeeeeed! 🤣🤣🤣

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.

The first orphan joke be like: What does the orphan not have?

A family.

I first saw her in the Walmart picking out your drawers.

My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.

A brother and a sister always kept fighting. One day the brother said, "You're adopted!"

Then the sister replies, "At least they wanted me!"

The brother yells back, "Well, at first, when they didn't know you'd turn out like this."

Doctor: I have bad news.

Man: What?

Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.

Man: Oh, no...

Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.

Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!

If you take off the first and last letter of "demon," they're gonna turn emo.

R. Kelly contracted COVID-19 recently. He was quoted as saying it was the first time he caught a case of anything over 18 in years.

I don't care if I got beat the first day you were born. Your momma asked for a receipt!

What did the orphan say when he first played Sims? Dang, you can have a family!

"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"

What is the difference between chocolate and sex?

I would rather eat the chocolate first and then make love.

I left a chunk of ice outside during summer. That was the first time I heard icescream.

Why did the skydiver bring a backup parachute?

In case the first one wanted to "cut ties" with them mid-air.

This is 15 first-year treating a swan.

Students return: "Without payment?"

The word "I die with many important problems."

Later, you answer this point: "DSD, rats?"

Patient: I am sorry, it is my first surgery.

Doctor: Don't worry, mine too.🫡👍

I was literally cradlesnatched as a child.

Yeah, in the arms of an older woman experiencing my first rounds of motorboating.

First bite: Oh my God!

Second bite: Oh my, God!