First jokes

Doctor: I have bad news.

Man: What?

Doctor: There are two things wrong with you. First, you have cancer.

Man: Oh, no...

Doctor: Second, you have Alzheimer's.

Man: Well, at least I don't have cancer!

When I saw Stephen Hawking for the first time, I knew he had been in a shop!!! I lieeeeeeeeed! 🤣🤣🤣

I got two cups of milk. One for me and one for my son.

We both drank them at the same time and tried not to puke. I won, since my son is face first on the table with his blood all over.

You just might be why the middle finger was invented in the first place.

The first orphan joke be like: What does the orphan not have?

A family.

What did the orphan say when he first played Sims? Dang, you can have a family!

R. Kelly contracted COVID-19 recently. He was quoted as saying it was the first time he caught a case of anything over 18 in years.

"Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"

What is the difference between chocolate and sex?

I would rather eat the chocolate first and then make love.

I left a chunk of ice outside during summer. That was the first time I heard icescream.

I first saw her in the Walmart picking out your drawers.

Patient: I am sorry, it is my first surgery.

Doctor: Don't worry, mine too.🫡👍

Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Neither. It was evolution.

Are people still mad at Hasan from that dog incident? All he wanted to do was become the world’s first lightningbender.

Your hairline goes back to the first century.

How ironic is this?! I was playing Jenga before the first plane hit the Twin Towers.

I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂

Yo momma so queer that she thinks Paige Stawicki will be the first female in the NHL.

My science teacher was talking about natural selection.

At one point, she asked me to name the first person to theorize about it. I said, "Eric Harris." It was on his shirt.

If you don't get the joke, look up "Eric Harris natural selection."

See, this is the best thing about no such thing as vampires because I'd be the first person to say drinks are on me.