First jokes

There was a girl called Millie, and she had sexy blond hair, and she wanted to chase me, but I told her she had to catch me first if she loves me.

Did you know that the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

If at first you don't succeed, blame it on the patriarchy.

I remember my first day back when working at a camp. I was so surprised when the trains arrived.

Yo mama is so clumsy, when she had her first kickboxing lesson, she kicked herself in the testicles.

What is a terrorist's first move in chess?

C4.

I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.

What do you call an Emo in the hanging gallows?

Happy for the first time.

If you were to drop an emo and a leaf off a tree, who would hit the ground first?

The leaf, because the emo is always hanging.

Which one fell first, the Emo Kid or the apple?

The apple, because the rope caught the kid.

What's a building's first crush? A plane.

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?

Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."

Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.

Children and your meat are actually quite similar.

At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.

What fell first, the feather or the depressed kid?

Q: The feather, the depressed kid is still up there.

A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"

No, Stephen Hawking wasn't the first man to walk on the moon.

This morning I woke up, then took a bath with some chocolate mud. At first, when I turned the damn flossers on, I noticed it wasn't water. It was all chocolate mud, and now my body is all chocolatey.