First jokes

There were these two guys in a lunatic asylum... and one night, they decide they don't like living in an asylum anymore. They decide they're going to escape!

So, like, they get up onto the roof, and there, just across this narrow gap, they see the rooftops of the town, stretching away in the moonlight... stretching away to freedom. Now, the first guy, he jumps right across with no problem. But his friend, his friend didn't dare make the leap. You see... You see, he's afraid of falling.

So then, the first guy has an idea... He says "Hey! I have my flashlight with me! I'll shine it across the gap between the buildings. You can walk along the beam and join me!" B-but the second guy just shakes his head. He suh-says... He says "Wh-what do you think I am? Crazy? You'd turn it off when I was half way across!"

I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.

I just cut everyone.

Why did the woman cross the road?

What’s she doing out of the kitchen in the first place?

My son wore his new "Go Vegan" Hoodie for the first time today, and already he's been verbally abused as well as being punched, kicked, & spat on!!!!

And he's not even left the house yet!!!

If you were to drop an emo and a leaf off a tree, who would hit the ground first?

The leaf, because the emo is always hanging.

What's a building's first crush? A plane.

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?

No, Stephen Hawking wasn't the first man to walk on the moon.

A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"

Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."

Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"

What fell first, the feather or the depressed kid?

Q: The feather, the depressed kid is still up there.

Son: Dad, if I told you I was gay, would you still love me?

Dad: Don’t be silly son, you were an accident. I never loved you in the first place.

Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.

Children and your meat are actually quite similar.

At first you seem weirded out by spanking it, but later on you start to enjoy it.

I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.

What do you call an Emo in the hanging gallows?

Happy for the first time.

Which one fell first, the Emo Kid or the apple?

The apple, because the rope caught the kid.

Deku: Hey Todoroki, are you done with your Halloween costume?

Todoroki: Yes. *comes out in a macaroni outfit*

Deku: Wha- I'm todoroni.

Bakugo: OMFG, I'm out! *blows up UA*

What did the first skeleton say to the second skeleton?

How do you fit 53 babies into a box?

First get a blender...