First jokes

What is a terrorist's first move in chess?

C4.

A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.

First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.

A gay couple and a lesbian couple are going on a cruise. Who gets there first?

Obviously, the lesbian couple; they got their lickety-split. The gay couple was still packing their shit.

Did you know that the first French fries weren’t cooked in France? They were cooked in Greece.

What's the difference between your new girlfriend and a tornado? At first, there is a lot of blowing, and then your house will be gone.

If at first you don't succeed, blame it on the patriarchy.

If you were a booger, I'd pick you first.

How do you fit 53 babies into a box?

First get a blender...

Two fish in a bowl. First fish asks, "Haven't I seen you around here before?"

The second fish replies, "F**k me, a talking fish!"

I’m always the first person in line at school for lunch.

I just cut everyone.

Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."

Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"

Deku: Hey Todoroki, are you done with your Halloween costume?

Todoroki: Yes. *comes out in a macaroni outfit*

Deku: Wha- I'm todoroni.

Bakugo: OMFG, I'm out! *blows up UA*

Which one fell first, the Emo Kid or the apple?

The apple, because the rope caught the kid.

What do you call an Emo in the hanging gallows?

Happy for the first time.

I just competed in a wrestling tournament. The first guy hit me harder than my dad’s belt.

There was a girl called Millie, and she had sexy blond hair, and she wanted to chase me, but I told her she had to catch me first if she loves me.

What's a building's first crush? A plane.

My ex was an orphan as a child.

I should have taken that as the first sign.

If her parents didn’t want her, why would I?

If you were to drop an emo and a leaf off a tree, who would hit the ground first?

The leaf, because the emo is always hanging.

Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.