can we have a party in space? .... First we need to planet ;) get it plan it = planet
why did the monkey fall out of the tree he was dead why did the second monkey fall out of the tree he was also dead why did the third monkey fall out of the tree monkey see monkey do why did the fourth monkey fall out of the tree he was stapled to the first one
What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon and Michael Jackson likes little boys.
So I bus crashes killing everyone on the bus and god feels so bad that he gives each one a wish so the first person comes up and she wants to be beautiful so god makes her beautiful and she goes into heaven next person comes up and he says I want to be beautiful as well as the last man in the back begins laughing a little so this goes on everyone becoming beautiful until god asked the last person what they want and he said I want everyone in front of me to be ugly again! so god had to call the based department and gave him everything that last guy wanted
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgent coming in tomorrow im super excited to work with him the next day we had to do our first ever open hart surgery so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient so we finished the surgery and went out side for a smoke and we were talking I said why did you keep the patients blood on your glove? He replied we in my free time I test it for anything diseases HIV the next day I got invited to his house and we had some drinks I said this is amazing red tea what is in it just the 2000 people you have cut opened .
What is the difference between a hoe's birth Daddy and her pimp Daddy? The first daddy plants the seed in a cunt and the second reaps the harvest from the cunt.
My wife is a optimist our first night together she handed me a magnum xl condom. I didn’t know what to do so I made her a balloon animal 🎈 🦒
On the fourth month (Symbolizing 41%) on the first day, transgenders mourn for the trans suicides
That day is called "April Fool's"
one day there were these 3 cow boys sitting next to a fire and they were telling each other about their adventures well the first cow boy said i tangled with a bull that killed 6 people so i wrestled that son of a bitch to the ground with my bare hands the second cow boy said that's nothing yesterday i was walking on a trale and came across a rattler so i picked it up ,bit its head off and drank all his venom in one gulp the third cow boy remained quiet stering the embers of the fire with his penis
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and swim in some shit jack forgot to bring some goggles and floaty and now they have a daughter
Secret Jill didn’t go in the shit yet jack went in first and died :D
So Jesus has been nailed to the cross. On the first day, he starts to moan, "Peter, Peter".
Well, Peter hears Jesus moaning and feels it is important, so begins to go up the hill. On his way, he is met by some Roman soldiers and they proceed to beat his ass back down the hill.
On the second day, Peter hears Jesus moaning again, "Peter, Peter".
Peter thinks to himself, this is important. He heads up the hill, fights past the first line, but gets a beatdown by the second group and back down the hill he goes.
On the third day, Peter is woken up by Jesus sounding very weak, but calling out, "Peter, Peter".
Peter feels that whatever it is that Jesus needs him for, must be very important. Peter heads up the hill, he is on a mission. He manages to fight his way thru three sets of Roman guards and make his way to the cross Jesus has been nailed to for three days. He looks up to Jesus, and says "Jesus, I have heard your calls, what is so important"?
Jesus- "Peter, I can see your house from here".
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
The bakery I worked at got robbed, they demanded the dough, aparently it couldn't be baked first.
what was the first man made out of ... ADAMS!( Atoms)
My cousin’s friend spelled “rasist” wrong and when my cousin showed me, the first thing I said to my cousin’s friend is “Go to Grammarly. They REALLY teach you spelling.”
You're so skinny, when you did your first jump on a pogo stick you would never come back.
It’s just been discovered that as well as writing a book, Adolf Hitler also wrote one of the first computer games, Mein Kraft.
What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon!
2 magicians were in a competition the first one did magic and the second started counting down 3 2 but before he said the last number he 1
