Fired jokes

Kobe was on fire before his death. He was on fire after too.

If you ever get chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then on to a little seesaw, then jump through a hoop of fire.

They're trained for that.

What do you get when you mix a white guy and a fire?

A firecracker.

I got fired from my job today at a banana factory. They said to throw away the bad ones, so I threw away the bent ones.

I pushed a dog into a fire and said, "Hot dog!"

Them: What's on your arm?

Me: I'm training to breathe fire ;)

What do you call Stephen Hawking on fire?

Hot wheels.

My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

So, this woman had a job. She wanted to hang out with her boyfriend, so she lied about having the coronavirus. Then she got out of work. Then she was texting her boss when she thought she was texting her boyfriend. Then she said, "I lied. Now we can...you know...water...sigh...lick...sigh." Then her boss texted, "Ew and YOU'RE FIRED."

One more story: One day this teen named Alexis got kicked out of a house, then went to live with her boyfriend. Then she got pregnant and posted it all on social media.

Today in 3rd grade English, the teacher asked the kids a question, "What turns on when you take your clothes off?"

Little Elsa blushed and screamed, "You can't ask that!"

The English teacher repeats the question and Elsa screams, "I'll tell my parents on you and get you fired!"

Finally, Little Tim raises his hand, "The shower, ma'am."

The English teacher clapped her hands, "Good job, Tim, and as for you Elsa, you do not have the body for that."

Why did the man put himself on fire?

To BURN Calories.

A chemical store burned down, and the firefighter just stood there, but at the end, the store fire just went out by itself. But the store owner still got angry.

Store owner: Why didn't you take out the fire?

Firefighter: Yeah, but it went out by itself.

Store owner: But still, why?

Firefighter: Your chemical store sells H20.

Store owner: Oh, I get it now!

Hey God, what are you making?

Just a wooden stick that lights on fire.

Sounds like a match made in heaven.

Give a man a match, he'll be warm for a few hours. Light him on fire, he'll be warm the rest of his life.

What do you call a guy in a wheelchair on fire?

Hot wheels.

What do you call a kid in a wheelchair on fire?

Hot wheels.

I've just been fired from the clock-making factory after all those extra hours I put in.

What do you get when you light Stephen Hawking on fire? A fried PC.

What's the difference between a cop and a bullet?

When a bullet kills somebody, you know it's been fired.

Your breath is so hot, it made the Chicago fire!