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A man finds his son climbing the roof of his house. The kid kept using all sorts of material to climb up, but the dad didn't pay much attention.

Next day the kid went to the state tower and kept climbing using some adhesive gloves. The dad asks his son for a second time: "Son! Why are you doing this?" The son replies: "You told me to aim up high!"

It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.

He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."

But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"

Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."

Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"

(Santa winks at you)

In America, you find Waldo.

In Soviet Russia, Waldo finds you.

Stephen Hawking went bankrupt after he found out somebody in his house was costing him way too much money on electricity bills.

He just couldn’t figure out who.

I walk in from work to find my wife dead on the sofa.

As I unzip for one last ride, she says, "BOO!" What kind of sick fuck does that?

As a fellow emo, I find these very rude and disrespectful. Please take off, or I'll tell Mom.

Also, if anyone knows any high bridges nearby, please tell me (I'm asking for a friend).

P.S. I have no friends.

Unknown be like: "Wah wah, I'm too scared to talk to girls in real life, so I bully random tweens I find online to make me feel better... what a shame."

Why did the director have an injured leg? Cause he couldn't find the right cast.

A man went to a Ford dealership hoping to find a car, but he said they weren't affordable.

I find all these obese jokes horrible.

Don't you think they have enough on their plate?

Little Johnny runs up to his mother and says, “Mommy, mommy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, Daddy came in with the lady next door, and they started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off Daddy’s clothes, and Daddy took off the clothes from the lady next door, and they both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of Daddy and started...”.

The mother cuts him off and says, “Just stop right there. You wait until your daddy comes home so you can tell him everything you just told me.” A couple hours later, the father arrives and walks through the door to find his wife and child with bags packed. She walks up to him and slaps across the face, shouting, “I’m leaving you... Go ahead, Johnny, tell him what you told me earlier.” Johnny steps forward to tell his daddy. “Daddy, the other day I was playing with my ball upstairs, and my ball got away and into your closet. When I went to get it, you came in with the lady next door, and you both started hugging and kissing. The lady next door took off your clothes, and you took off the clothes from the lady next door, and you both got into your bed. The lady next door got on top of you and started doing the same thing Mom did with Uncle Joe last summer.”

How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You look for the fresh prints.

I tried to find a camouflage shirt, but I couldn’t find one.

What do we find at the end of every rainbow?

The letter W.

I, for one, give President Joe Biden my full support, and anything else he can find in my previously rented gym locker. 🤣

Hey Gwen, listen, I know you're on this app, fake or not. I love you either way. Please find this faker and finish her off for what she's done, real Gwen.

*You're a real best Gwen*

Why did the orphan dig six feet under?

To find his parents.

What do Nemo and an orphan have in common? They can't find their parents.

I awoke after being raped and was shocked to find my fingers were broken. It was hard to grasp.

If Finding Nemo was scientifically correct, Marlin would have changed into a female and mated with Nemo.