If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
Why do orphans never get a car?
Because their parents need to buy them one.
Just give me my money (clap clap clap).
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: ๐๐๏ธ Gimme, gimme.
If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.
What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?
"My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."
Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He got the gas bill.
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
Your mum is so poor, she can't afford free samples.
Homeless person says to a rich person, "I'm homeless."
Rich person: "Then buy a house!"
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
Why is Trump always in debt? His university isn't paid off yet!
If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.
I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the ๐ love of your life!๐
And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!
Comment those numbers to lock it in!!๐
A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?"
"Six pounds."
"And shaving?"
"Three pounds."
"Good, then shave my head."
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
yo mama so fat when she decides to workout the stock market goes bankrupt
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"
Only one band is capable of affording the insurance on supercars. UB40!
I have so many cash machine jokes.
But none of them seem to work ATM.
