Finance jokes

When does it rain money?

When there's a change in the weather.

I was in the bank one day, and this old lady asked me to check her balance. So I pushed her over.

I went to the bank to apply for a Personal Loan.

Then they found out I wanted to be a rapper, so they didn't want to Post M"loan."

I was at my bank today waiting in a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady, who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla of yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?" The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"

Being a man that is poor really isn't that bad as long as you are involved in the world's oldest profession and you are well-endowed and you are not homophobic and as long as you can suck the chrome off a tailpipe then you have nothing to worry about if you are desperate enough to pay your bills.

Lack of money is the root of all evil. 😊

As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.

My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."

Yo mama is so ugly, when she goes into a bank, they turn off the cameras.

Why did the football player go to the bank?

To get his quarter back.

What’s the difference between a bank vault and you aunt's anus?

The owner of bank vaults don’t force you to penetrate it.

A teacher asks her class, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Little Johnny says “I wanna be a billionaire, going to the most expensive clubs, take the best b*tch with me, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Hawaii, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel through Europe, an Infinite Visa Card and to make love to her three times a day.”

The teacher, shocked, and not knowing what to do with the bad behavior of the child, decides not to give importance to what he said and then continues the lesson. “And you, Susie?” the teacher asks. Susie says “I wanna be Johnny’s b*tch.”

Why were ET's eyes so big?

Because he saw the phone bill.

Q: Why can't the orphan buy Robux?

A: He could not use his mother's credit card.

One day I was very happy. I managed to win the lottery and receive a free vacation trip to Saudi Arabia!

Everything was going well until suddenly the FRAUD appeared! It was him, PRISTIANO PENALDO! He dived toward me and grabbed my lottery ticket. I asked him why he is doing this, only for him to reply "I need trip to Saudi Arabia to statpad the PENS!" as he dived back through my window.

Shame on you for stealing my vacation and ruining my day! You are no longer my Idol Pristianooooo!

Why did the prostitute lose all her money?

Because she got f*cked.

A kid named Billy gets his lunch money stolen at school. The bully later gets his allowance, the lunch money, and his wallet taken by his father.

The father then gets all the money taken from him by the bully’s grandfather along with his own wallet. The grandfather then takes the money and gets it stolen by Billy along with his own wallet.

People see this Rolex and they kill themselves.

Motherfucker, that's a suicide watch!

What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?

I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.

What did the watch say to the failing watch company?

"You better watch it!"

I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden.

It just doesn’t make any cents!

If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.