Finance jokes
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
"Peado van, peado van, stay away, peado van, peado van, take her away."
I can't afford food, I can't afford childcare, might as well just get the money out of her.
Why do laws forbid hoes from owning stocks in condom makers?
Answer: Insider trading.
Why did the rapper go to the bank? (Part 2)
To WITHDRAW some BEATS.
Why don’t orphans understand the meaning of a family reunion?
Because they’re not wanted, yet maybe they should rob a 🏦 bank ;)
What time is it when you stand on a pile of money in the bank?
High interest!
I tried to adopt an orphan. The card got declined harder than the child did.
Kid: Licks money.
Mom: Hey, don’t lick the money. It is dirty.
Kid: Is that why they call people filthy rich?
What would be a good job for a fat person? A four-chin teller!
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
Because they are really good at saving.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, "Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?"
What did the watch say to the failing watch company?
"You better watch it!"
Yo mama so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund.
Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.
Your hairline is what caused the Great Depression.
Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He got the gas bill.
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.