Finance jokes
Where do fishes keep their money?
In a riverbank.
What do you call the American healthcare plan for poor people?
Death.
Hey girl, are you my boss? 'Cause you just gave me a raise.
Why did the chiropractor go to jail? For not paying $75 in back taxes.
Why is an orphan's favorite game Monopoly?
Because they can actually buy a house.
Memes
What do you call a tall, affluent person? A big success.
Want to save 50% on your Chinese?
Just ask before you pay.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.
When God gives you glory, you give it back.
People dream about having a lot of money, but the only thing you should be dreaming about is a hairline.
Yo momma's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
How did the guys with Down syndrome split the dinner bill? They all made a down payment.
What’s the difference between Geico and a wife?
Geico saves you more.
Why did the orphan rob a bank?
To be wanted.
What can a gay man not be, but a heterosexual female that is a whore can be if a heterosexual male gives her enough money? 💸
cock teaser
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
Kid: Licks money.
Mom: Hey, don’t lick the money. It is dirty.
Kid: Is that why they call people filthy rich?
Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!
I used to be a banker...
But then I lost interest.