Finance jokes
Why is an orphan's favorite game Monopoly?
Because they can actually buy a house.
What do you call a tall, affluent person? A big success.
Want to save 50% on your Chinese?
Just ask before you pay.
Dating 101:
Here's what you do:
1. Dinner. 2. Kiss. 3. Movie. 4. Sex. 5. Bring her back home. 6. Get paid 15 bucks for babysitting.
A suicidal customer walks into a gun store.
Cashier: Is this your final purchase?
Customer: Actually, yes it is!
Memes
Me during quarantine
Yo mama so slutty the abortion clinic gave her a loyalty card and coupon for 20% off her next abortion.
What do your girlfriend and a pool have in common? They both cost a lot of money for the amount of time you’re inside them.
Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.
When God gives you glory, you give it back.
People dream about having a lot of money, but the only thing you should be dreaming about is a hairline.
Yo momma's so fat, when she skips a meal, the stock market drops.
How did the guys with Down syndrome split the dinner bill? They all made a down payment.
What’s the difference between Geico and a wife?
Geico saves you more.
Why did the orphan rob a bank?
To be wanted.
What can a gay man not be, but a heterosexual female that is a whore can be if a heterosexual male gives her enough money? 💸
cock teaser
Guy: Are you a vending machine? Because you're a snack.
Girl: Your card got declined.
Guy: That's ok, you got to bang them a few times to get you money's worth.
Kid: Licks money.
Mom: Hey, don’t lick the money. It is dirty.
Kid: Is that why they call people filthy rich?
Your mama's so fat, she runs a trade deficit with food!
I used to be a banker...
But then I lost interest.
Why did the duck not enjoy his restaurant date?
Because he didn't want to see the bill.
"Peado van, peado van, stay away, peado van, peado van, take her away."
I can't afford food, I can't afford childcare, might as well just get the money out of her.