If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
Finance Jokes
Who made the most money from 9/11? The US government.
Which company likes Jesus the most?
IHS Markit!
There are two types of faces:
The handsome one, but the wallet is ugly.
Then there is this personal face full of bumps, but even they lack a wallet.
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
Just give me my money (clap clap clap).
If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.
What is my favorite thing about my grandpa?
His life insurance.
Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He got the gas bill.
What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?
"My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."
Yo mama so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund.
How do birds pay? With their bills!
I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden.
It just doesn’t make any cents!
Money means nothing to me. Ask me for it, you will get nothing.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"
She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."
Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"
Your mum is so poor, she can't afford free samples.
Homeless person says to a rich person, "I'm homeless."
Rich person: "Then buy a house!"
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
What do you call a low budget terrorist attack?
7/11
