If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.
Do chiropractors have to pay back taxes?
Only when they file jointly.
There is a similarity between my wallet and an onion.
They always make me cry.
Alya, I need to talk to you now. If you don't reply, I will kermit the not living, and if you don't think I will, I will post your OnlyFans photos I get every month for $5.99 a week (high price if you ask me)!
And Sterling has taken a dive.
That's all for financial news, back to the football.
My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.
They were both druids.
What do you call super expensive shoes?
Cashews.
When you get injured π’
When you get injured in America πππππ΅π΅π΅π΅π΅π©π©π©
Your hairline be lookin' like my negative bank account balance -1,000,000.
Your hairline be looking like the Great Recession.
At least he got D.L.A. (Disability Living Allowance), so it's not all bad. Every cloud has a silver lining...even a mushroom cloud.
What do you call a whale on a beach?
Banked.
"Jimmy Jimmy, Yes Papa,"
"Give away my Money, No Papa,"
"Telling Lies, OK, Ima Check my Bank Account."
What are the similarities between BTC and 9/11? They both crashed down.
I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.
The orphan turned 18, but he was happy because he didn't have to pay rent to his parents.
What's the difference between 911 and the stock market in the 1930's?
Nothing, they both crashed.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
I quit my job at the bank today I lost interest.
Where do polar bears keep their money? In a snowbank!
