Finance jokes
What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?
I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.
What did the watch say to the failing watch company?
"You better watch it!"
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
Just give me my money (clap clap clap).
I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden.
It just doesn’t make any cents!
Me during quarantine
How do birds pay? With their bills!
Money means nothing to me. Ask me for it, you will get nothing.
What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?
"My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."
What is my favorite thing about my grandpa?
His life insurance.
If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
Yo mama so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund.
Most people call it grave robbing...
I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
Why do orphans never get a car?
Because their parents need to buy them one.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
Who made the most money from 9/11? The US government.
Why did the black lady give the IRS a mason jar full of watermelon seeds?
Tax credit.
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.