Finance jokes
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
Yo mama so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund.
What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?
"My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
Just give me my money (clap clap clap).
Memes
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
Why do orphans never get a car?
Because their parents need to buy them one.
Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
Who made the most money from 9/11? The US government.
Which company likes Jesus the most?
IHS Markit!
There are two types of faces:
The handsome one, but the wallet is ugly.
Then there is this personal face full of bumps, but even they lack a wallet.
How do birds pay? With their bills!
Money means nothing to me. Ask me for it, you will get nothing.
Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He got the gas bill.
What is my favorite thing about my grandpa?
His life insurance.
A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"
She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."
Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"
Your mum is so poor, she can't afford free samples.
Homeless person says to a rich person, "I'm homeless."
Rich person: "Then buy a house!"