Finance jokes
What did the watch say to the failing watch company?
"You better watch it!"
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
What is my favorite thing about my grandpa?
His life insurance.
Why did Hitler commit suicide?
He got the gas bill.
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
Me during quarantine
Yo mama so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund.
What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?
"My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."
If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
Just give me my money (clap clap clap).
Why do orphans never get a car?
Because their parents need to buy them one.
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
Money means nothing to me. Ask me for it, you will get nothing.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
Who made the most money from 9/11? The US government.
Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.
Which company likes Jesus the most?
IHS Markit!
There are two types of faces:
The handsome one, but the wallet is ugly.
Then there is this personal face full of bumps, but even they lack a wallet.
I heard every single machine in the coin factory just broke down all of a sudden.
It just doesn’t make any cents!
How do birds pay? With their bills!