How do birds pay? With their bills!
Money means nothing to me. Ask me for it, you will get nothing.
There are two types of faces:
The handsome one, but the wallet is ugly.
Then there is this personal face full of bumps, but even they lack a wallet.
A guy told a beautiful girl, "Hey, I want to make love to you. If I throw $2000 when you go to pick it up, that's when I'll go. Is that okay?"
She called her husband, and he said, "Okay, but pick it up fast so he doesn't have time to pull his pants down."
Four hours later, she shows up to her house and tells her husband, "THAT FUCKER PAID IN COINS!"
Your mum is so poor, she can't afford free samples.
Homeless person says to a rich person, "I'm homeless."
Rich person: "Then buy a house!"
What happens when Steven Hawking dies?
Take his iPad to Cash Converters.
I heard that the numbers on the front of your credit card represent the number of minutes until you meet the π love of your life!π
And the 3 numbers on the back represent the month and day you make it official!!
Comment those numbers to lock it in!!π
A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?"
"Six pounds."
"And shaving?"
"Three pounds."
"Good, then shave my head."
If you think no one cares about you, stop paying your taxes.
Why is Trump always in debt? His university isn't paid off yet!
You're so poor, even the store didn't let you buy anything free.
I'll give you 20 dollars if you let me cum in you.
Got fired from the bank yesterday.
They caught me drinking on the job.
I saw your mother get into a white Ford Taurus on the corner of Milton and Halliburton, and you're still trying to tell me she ain't got no job cause she "can't get a ride to work?"
Only one band is capable of affording the insurance on supercars. UB40!
I have so many cash machine jokes.
But none of them seem to work ATM.
If I had a coin for every time someone said, "If I had a coin," I'd still be living paycheck to paycheck.
Do chiropractors have to pay back taxes?
Only when they file jointly.
There is a similarity between my wallet and an onion.
They always make me cry.
