Finance jokes
People see this Rolex and they kill themselves.
Motherfucker, that's a suicide watch!
What's the difference between a million dollars and a million dead babies?
I don't have a million dollars laying around my house.
What did the watch say to the failing watch company?
"You better watch it!"
I'm not calling you a slut, I'm calling you a penny: two-faced, worthless, and in everyone's pants.
Just give me my money (clap clap clap).
What is my favorite thing about my grandpa?
His life insurance.
Most people call it grave robbing...
I prefer to call it cryptocurrency.
Yo mama so stupid, she thought a quarterback was a refund.
What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?
"My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."
I'm not saying I'm ugly...
But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.
If you buy a Renault Megane, all your girls will be gone.
Banker: I have the right to take your money!
Me: Check my name.
Banker: Robin D. Bank, why?
Banker: *realizes*
Me: 😈🖐️ Gimme, gimme.
Why do orphans never get a car?
Because their parents need to buy them one.
There are two types of faces:
The handsome one, but the wallet is ugly.
Then there is this personal face full of bumps, but even they lack a wallet.
Money means nothing to me. Ask me for it, you will get nothing.
Who made the most money from 9/11? The US government.
If I had a dollar for every time you said something smart, I'd be broke.
Was drinking in a bar with this girl when I suddenly blacked out. The next morning I received a letter saying they are processing my child benefits application, dafaq? I never had kids.
My stepdad has stage 4 cancer and is going through chemotherapy... at least he saves money on shampoo and conditioner.
Why did the black lady give the IRS a mason jar full of watermelon seeds?
Tax credit.