Field jokes
So this one time I saw Sally trying to get up after she fell off the swing, and I helped her up and she said "Thank you," and I said, "You're welcome." The next day I saw her legs and someone said, "I would not do that," and I said, "Whatever." I tapped Sally, and the top halve fell. I said, "WHAT HAPPENED TO SALLY?" And someone said she went in a minefield.
What's the hardest thing about walking through a field of dead children?
My penis.
What’s the difference between an orphan and a baseball field?
One has a home.
1. Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.
2. Why did the melon jump into the lake? It wanted to be a water-melon.
3. What did the duck say when it bought lipstick? “Put it on my bill.”
4. What do you call a pig that does karate? A pork chop.
5. What has a bed that you can’t sleep in? A river.
6. Why were the teacher’s eyes crossed? She couldn’t control her pupils.
7. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? An Envelope.
8. How does the ocean say hello? It waves.
9. What lights up a soccer stadium? A soccer match.
10. What creature is smarter than a talking parrot? A spelling bee.
11. Which U.S. state has the smallest soft drinks? Minnesota (as in, “mini-soda”).
12. Why couldn’t the leopard play hide and seek? Because he was always spotted.
13. Apparently, you can’t use “beef stew” as a password. It’s not stroganoff.
14. Why did the drum take a nap? It was beat.
15. Where do hamburgers go dancing? They go to the meat-ball.
16. Why did the tomato turn red? It saw the salad dressing.
17. Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil? Because it’s pointless.
What do you call a cemetery of dead Arabs? A mine field.
Why are orphans bad at baseball?
Because they don’t know what a home is.
Why don’t orphans play football?
They have no home field.
What's the definition of suspicious?...
A nun doing sit-ups in a cucumber field. 💀
Why can't an orphan play baseball?
They can't find home base.
Coach: Why can't orphans play baseball?
Me: Because they can't get a homerun.
What do you call a monkey in a mine field?
BaBOOM!
Why can't orphans go on a field trip?
They need their parents' permission. 😆😆😆😆😆😆
What is the definition of suspicion? A: A nun doing squats in a cucumber field.
My little league football debut was a lot like the first time I had sex. I was beaten, bruised, and bloody, but at least my Dad came.
A cow was standing in a corn field. The chicken walked by and said annoyingly, "What do I see here? Corned beef!?"
Why can't the orphan go on a field trip?
Because he can't sign the parent's signature.
Why did the scarecrow get an award? He was outstanding in his field. Okay, I'll admit it's corny.
Two cows in a field.
One says to the other, "Mooooooo!"
The other says, "Tut, I was gonna say that!"
Your mom smells so bad she could stun a horse in a field.
The terrorists suck at [something]. They lost two times to the Twin Towers? Like, how do you land so far from it? One of them landed in a field.