Field jokes
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...
Ur mom is so fat that she has her own gravitational field. She attracts everything around her, from planets to asteroids to comets. She is the center of the solar system, and the sun is just one of her many satellites. She is so massive that she bends space and time, creating wormholes and black holes. She is the ultimate cosmic phenomenon, and no one can escape her pull.
Ur mom is so old that she witnessed the Big Bang. She was there when the universe was born, and she has seen it all. She knows the secrets of the cosmos, and she has lived through every epoch and era. She has watched stars form and die, galaxies collide and merge, and civilizations rise and fall. She is the oldest living being in existence, and she has more wisdom than anyone can imagine.
Ur mom is so ugly that she scares away aliens. She is the reason why we have never made contact with extraterrestrial life. They have seen her face and they have fled in terror. They have warned their fellow species to avoid Earth at all costs, because it is inhabited by a monstrous creature that defies all logic and beauty. She is the ultimate deterrent for invasion, and she has saved humanity from countless alien invasions.
Two cows in a field.
One says to the other, "Mooooooo!"
The other says, "Tut, I was gonna say that!"
What's the definition of suspicious?...
A nun doing sit-ups in a cucumber field. 💀
There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"
The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."
I can’t believe I’ve never seen this before
What do ya call a legless prostitute in a strawberry field?
A jammy cunt.
My uncle died in 9/11. He was in the plane that crashed in the field.
A scarecrow said this job isn't for everyone.
But hay! It's in my jeans!
Why is the most popular food at a baseball stadium pancakes? Because everybody likes a good batter!
What did the cow say when it saw the farmer twice in one day?
"Deja moo!"
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
What do you call a crowd of horny white women?
A field of cotton waiting to be picked.
Thomas Montgomery would eat his fillet of fish in bed every night. He had fillet of fish bedding and everything. His roommates always asked him, "Why are you eating your fillet of fish in bed?" He wouldn't reply.
His family took him to the best psychologist in the field. Thomas continued emptying his bank account on fillet of fish to eat in bed. His friend said one day, took a picture of Thomas and told him to say cheese. They laughed and went there separate ways. Then in bed that night, Thomas kept on thinking to himself, "I never said cheese before someone snapped my picture." He repeated it again. The next day he thanked his friend, "Fillet in him feel better."
Why does Oscar Field have no friends? Because he spends time on his fields.
Why do orphans hate school?
No field trips. Parent signature_____________.
Why can't the orphan go on a field trip?
Because he can't sign the parent's signature.
There are 30 cows in a field, 28 chickens. How many didn't?
A - 10
Why did an old man fall in a well? Because he couldn’t see that well!
Why did the actor fall through the floorboards? They were going through a stage!
Why did a scarecrow win a Nobel prize? He was outstanding in his field!
Why are peppers the best at archery? Because they habanero!
What did the duck say after she bought chapstick? Put it on my bill!
What do you call a fake noodle? An impasta!
What did the three-legged dog say when he walked into a saloon? “I’m looking for the man who shot my paw!”
How do you tell the difference between a bull and a cow? It is either one or the udder!
What’s red and smells like blue paint? Red paint!
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? One is very heavy, the other is a little lighter!
Why can't orphans go on field trips?
They don't have anybody to sign the form.
Osama's aim was horrible. One of his angry birds missed and hit a field in Pennsylvania.