There are two cows in a field. One says to the other, "I'm cold. Are you cold?"
The other cow says, "Yeah, I'm Fresian."
What do you call a field of masturbating cattle?
Beef strokin' off.
The Emo kid wanted to go on a field trip, but he needed his parent's signature.
I felt bad for the orphan because he couldn't go on a field trip, you know why?
Parent signature: _________
An orphan walked up to a baseball field, but a security guard said he couldn't come in because it was a home game.
Your hairline is so long they mistake your forehead for a football field.
A farmer artificially impregnated a cow. The cow said to another cow, "It's a miracle, I'm pregnant." The other cow said, "That's impossible, it's only us cows in the field, you must be joking." The first cow said, "Nope, I'm serious... no bull!"
What do a blonde chick and a field of wheat have in common?
They're both bound to get plowed at some point in time.
What fruit do scarecrows love the most?
Straw-berries.
Why did the dwarf laugh when he walked on the field?
The grass was tickling his balls.
Doctor, what is wrong with me?
You will never be able to walk again. It ain't like with me on the field it would make the Miami Dolphins any better.
Why can't orphans play baseball?
'Cause they don't know where home is.
In America, there was a boy named Urhan, and he had one hand and a stump, and a girl named Handa who was an orphan. They had a trial for the Boston Red Sox, and they failed because Urhan couldn’t stump the ball, and Handa didn’t know where home was.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?"
"Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!"
"Good," said the new husband, "but, why?"
"You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"
Where did Joe go after getting lost on the mine field?
Everywhere.
My uncle died in 9/11. He was in the plane that crashed in the field.
Why can't orphans go to a school field trip?
Because he needs the parent's signature.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, “Have you heard about the mad cow disease that’s going around?”
“Yeah,” the other cow says. “Makes me glad I’m a penguin.”
Why don't Indians play soccer?
Because every time they take a corner, they open up a shop.
Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?
Because she fell into a minefield.
