New Fear Jokes - Page 7 - Worst Jokes Ever

When the people that see you cry, that doesn't mean they miss you. That mean they scared of your onion breath! 🐑💨

Just letting you know if people cry when they see you, that doesn't mean they miss you. That means they're scared of your onion breath.

I was playing a tennis match against a girl and said, "I will fuck you up." She said, "Try me." So that's exactly what I did, and I won by forfeit as she ended up running away crying.

I be ready to commit suicide.

But when it comes to jumping out my window, I'm scared ash.

How do you stop constipation?

You scare the crap outta them.

(Crap is another word for poop.)

Why do an emo's parents not let them cook, because they are afraid they will cut themselves?

Quiet kid reaches down and class starts running.

Quiet kid: What's wrong? Pulling out my...

Six was scared of seven because 7 8 9, so why was 10 scared? Because he was caught between 9/11.

What’s 8 inches and women scream when they see it?

A puppy, you dirty monkey!

I threw a boomerang two years ago... I live in constant fear.

You are so ugly, when you went to a haunted house, you came back with a job application.

What do you call Kevin with no beef?

Chicky.

One day there was a frantic call at the fire department:

"Help me, help me! There is a cat meowing nearby. It is going to hurt me, it's going to kill me, can you help me, and send the fire squad right away?"

"Take it easy, cats don’t hurt us, just relax and wait until he leaves."

"You don’t understand it is going to bite me, it is going to kill me, it is going to be fatal!"

"Cats aren’t venomous or in any other way dangerous, now who is calling?"

"I’m Indy's parrot you twit! Now help me! Please help, please help!"

I hope death is a girl. That way, it'll never come for me.

What do you call a running chicken?

Scared.

So, I remember growing my own peanuts really well. There's one that's larger than the others. I can't keep my eye off of it.

I'm scared that it moves at night.

I'm being serious. I literally can't keep my eye off it.

A little girl said one day, "Grandma's gonna die tonight!" The next morning, the girl's grandmother's body was found.

That day she said again, "Grandpa's gonna die tonight!" Sure enough, the girl's grandfather died and his body was discovered the next morning.

That day she said, "Daddy's gonna die tonight." The girl's father was terrified. He lay shaking the entire night. Somehow, he survived until morning. His wife came into the room crying. He asked her why she was upset and she said that the postman had died last night.