Chuck Norris would have died a couple of years ago, but death hasn't built up the courage to tell him.
Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.
Don't scare me! I poop easily!
Why was six afraid of seven? Because seven ate nine. But why did seven eat nine? Because seven knew you had to have three squared meals a day.
How do you scare a bee?
Boo-bee!
God: ok, what if I made an evil land octopus that could walk on walls?
Why was 6 afraid to go camping with 7?
Because 7 wanted to bring two knives for survival, but 6 secretly knew that 7 hated him, and didn’t have benign intentions.
Read this out loud to yourself and it’ll make sense. ;)
Why did the skeleton run away from the crime scene?
He didn't have the guts to see it.
People shouldn’t be afraid during a zombie apocalypse.
They can stay in their living room.
At my most fear, I shit my pants.
Why can't depressed people leave the maze?
Because their lives are the walls and they are too scared to meet the exit.
What do you call a person who's afraid of Santa?
Klaustrophobic.
Why can’t skeletons fight? They don’t have the guts.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.
So a woman was paranoid, so she had a dog to check to see if anything was wrong. She would always stick her hand under the bed, and if the dog licked her hand, then she was safe. One night, just before bed, she stuck her hand under the bed. She felt a lick, so she went to bed. In the middle of the night, she needed to go to the bathroom. So, she walked into the bathroom, and on the window, it said: "HUMANS CAN LICK TOO!" Then she was murdered.
Two men are next to each other. One looks at the other and asks, "Are you a fascist?"
The other man responds, "No, why would I be?"
The first man pulls out a gun and says, "Are you sure?"
The second man says, "Never mind, I am a fascist!"
The reason I'm gay is because I'm scared of getting cooties.
What’s the difference between a mother and a fetus at an abortion office?
Only one of them is scared.
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me.
The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment.
With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
A woman walks into a library and asks if they have any books about paranoia. The librarian says, "They're right behind you!"
