Fear jokes
What does a pregnant teen and an aborted child have in common?
They both say, “My mom's gonna kill me!”
Why doesn’t Chuck Norris flush the toilet?
He doesn’t have to, he scares the shit out of the toilet.
Why was 10 scared of 9?
Because 9 8 7.
Why are lamps so scared? Because someone might throw them away.
Why do people think that monsters are scary? Cuz they are so stupid.
Why are cows 🐮 so big? To scare babies 👶.
Why did the dog walk out at night?
To scare his people!
Death once had a near Chuck experience.
Little Timmy walked in on his parents having sex. His parents look at him in fear. Little Timmy asks, "Mom, Dad, what are you doing?"
The mom replies with, "We are playing house. We'll let you play when you're older," the dad says. So the next day Timmy goes over to play with his friend Johnny, who was, ironically, Timmy's neighbor. Johnny asks, "How was your sleep last night?" "I saw my mom and dad playing house last night," Timmy says. "But they told me I could play with them when I'm older."
After a little bit of playing with Johnny, Timmy went home and saw his Dad playing house with his babysitter. "Dad, what are you doing?" Timmy asks. "I'm playing house with your babysitter," Timmy's Dad said. "But I saw you play house with Mom last night," Timmy told his father. "Well, don't tell your mother," his dad said.
Why didn't the skeleton go to the ball?
Because he didn't have the guts to do it.
what do you call a shadow stalker REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
If depression is going to be my girlfriend, will she leave me?
A priest asks the convicted murderer at the electric chair, "Do you have any last requests?"
"Yes," replies the murderer, "Can you please hold my hand?"
Why was the cow afraid?
Because he's a coward!
Public speaking is a more popular fear than snakes, and you don't see anyone walking in Australia and shout, "Look out! A podium!"
Little Jimmy asked his mom if he could take a bath with her since he was scared of being alone. She said, "Sure, just don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what are those?" She replied, "Those are just headlights." He looked down and said, "What is that?" She said, "That's just a bush." The next day, mommy wasn't home, so he asked to take a shower with his papa instead. He said, "Okay, but don't look up." He looked up and said, "Woah, what is that?" His papa replied, "That's just a snake." Later that night, he asked to sleep with his parents. They said, "Okay, just don't look under the covers." After a while, he grew bored and went under the covers. Jimmy screamed, "Mom, turn on the headlights, the snake is in the bush!"
What does a cow sound like when in a horror house?
Moo mooo moooooooo (screaming)!
How do you help a constipated person?
You scare the shit out of them!
Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven was a registered six offender.
Horror movies don't scare me. 5 missed calls from my mum scares me.