Father's jokes
I don't fuck my mother all day long. I fuck my mother for only 6 hours a day. Sometimes it's 7-8 hours. It depends on how busy my siblings and father are with their work.
A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"Father replied, "I don't know, son. I'm still paying."
What do you call a priest that graduated from law school?
Father-in-law.
Why do orphans go to church?
Because they can call someone "father."
What does a mother fear most?
Hearing "YOU ARE NOT THE FATHER!" for 5 different men.
A son tells his father, "I have an imaginary girlfriend."
The father sighs and says, "You know, you could do better."
"Thanks Dad," the son says.
The father shakes his head and goes, "I was talking to your girlfriend."
What do blind kids and orphans have in common?
Neither of 'em can see their parents.
Why did the orphan go to church?
Because they need a father.
Why do orphans love to go to church? Because they have someone to call father.
(There was a mommy tomato, a daddy tomato, and a baby tomato.)
Baby: Wait for me!
(Father tomato walks back toward the baby.)
(He squishes the child.)
Father: Ketchup!
If Germany is the father land, and Russia is the mother land, would WWII just be domestic violence?
My father is like Houdini. When he heard his girlfriend was pregnant, he disappeared.
Priests are called father because it would be suspicious to call him daddy.
Why did the orphans like church so much?
So they had someone to call father...
I’ll never forget my father’s last words...
Oh fuck, it’s a bus!
How come I have a father but not a dad?
He was a priest.
One day, little Johnny woke up to get a drink of water. He passed by his parents' bedroom and noticed sheets bouncing. He asked his dad what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." Little Johnny said, "Who is your partner?" Dad said, "Your mom." On his way up, he passed by his sister's room and noticed sheets bouncing around and asked what she’s doing. She said, "Playing cards with my boyfriend, Paul." The next day, Dad came to ask Johnny a question. The father noticed Johnny was still in bed and asked him what he was doing. He saw the sheet bouncing and asked Johnny what he was doing. He said, "Playing cards." His dad asked him who his partner was. Little Johnny said, "You don’t need a partner if you have a good hand."
Why do orphans go to church on family day? cuz they get to spend time with their father.
The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.
"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"
So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"
"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."
Q: Why did the father throw butter out the window?
A: He wanted to see a butterfly.