Father jokes
I held on to my money stronger than an orphan holds on to a teddy bear on Father's Day.
What were the balloon's last words to his Father?
"Watch me, Pop!"
The way ladies cheat nowadays is very alarming.
She might give birth to twins, but each twin having a different father. 😭
Why did your father go away?
'Cause he needs da milk.
If the sun had a kid, it would be like father, like sun. 🤓 😎
Memes
I’ll always remember my father’s last words: “I’m gonna sleep for a little.”
Why do orphans come to me?
'Cause they have someone to call "father."
Orphan: I finally have a father!
God: And who is that?
Orphan: You!
God: Who the hell is you? Well, it's not me.
Orphan: :l
What's the difference between fathers and hurricanes?
Nothing. They both destroy families and then leave for a couple of years.
My father can take a joke because he made one.
When you were born your mother said, "Oh, what a treasure!" Your father said, "Yeah, let’s go bury it."
A young boy was talking to his friend about his family:
"My great-grandfather fought against Napoleon, my grandfather fought against the English, my father fought against the Americans, and my uncle against the Argentinians."
The friend replied: "It seems that your family can't get along with anybody!"
One night, a father heard his daughter saying good night.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Dad."
"Good night, Mamah."
"Good bye, Papa."
The next day her papa died.
He heard her saying them a month later.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good night, Dad."
"Good bye, Mamah."
The next day her mamah died.
Well, her dad was scared for his life. He knew he was next. Well, his daughter said them again.
"Good night, Mom."
"Good bye, Dad."
The next day, the mail man dropped dead on their porch.
An innocent boy is reading through his father’s phone, looking at the messages and trying to learn things about his family from them. He saw a message asking for something which seemed strange, but ultimately the boy decided to surprise his father with what it said.
“Timmy, why are there thirty-five cats in the living room?” shouted the father.
“I was only supplying what you wanted from Mother!” replied the boy.
Why does Aaron cry at night? His alcoholic father beats him.
A man's daughter comes home from school and asks her dad if she can borrow the car.
The father replies, "No, it's too late at night."
The daughter says, "C'mon, Dad. I'll do anything."
The dad says, "OK, suck my dick."
The daughter says, "No, that's disgusting."
The dad says, "You want the car. You said you'll do anything."
The daughter agrees. Just as she is about to put her father's dick into her mouth, she stops and says, "Eww, Dad, your dick smells like shit."
The dad replies, "Yeah, well, your brother borrowed the car about an hour ago."
How did the Java programmer's son get rich?
Because of inheritance.
All of the sudden, if you're Republican, you're racist, and Communism is a symbol of freedom? What happened to the proud men our founding fathers were, damn it!
Kid: Dad, what happened to the kidnapper?
Dad: He had a nap.
Kid: Where is he now?
Dad: HELL!
Your mom laughs at your father, because he has an ugly wife.