Fat jokes

Your mama is so fat, when she went camping, the bears hid their food from her.

Teacher: Kids, what does a chicken give you?

Students: Eggs.

Teacher: Very good. Now, what does the pig give you?

Kids: Bacon.

Teacher: Excellent. Now, what does the fat cow give you?

Kids: Homework.

Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.

You're so damn fat that the only belt that fits you is an asteroid belt.

"You look like you've lost some weight."

"Really? Well, whatever weight I lost, you found it, pal!"

Why do the Japanese hate Christmas?

Because the last time a Fat Man came down the chimney, they lost half their population.

How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake.

Yo mama so fat, you must refuel twice to run over her with a car.

You are the reason double doors were invented.

Me: Mom, the weight scale wants your weight, not your phone number!

My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, "OK, you're ugly too."

I'm not fat!!

I'm a Nutritional Overachiever.

Yo mama so fat she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad.

Yo mama's so fat, when she fell I didn't laugh, but the sidewalk cracked up.

You look like something I drew with my left hand.

A woman noticed her husband standing on a bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. "Ha! That's not going to help!" she said. "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers."

My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it). I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait... it’s just one.

Yo mama is so fat, she goes to the beach to sell shade.

I was going to give my wife chocolates, but my fat friends ate them.

Wife: "You don't even have friends!"

The fat kid asked the teacher, "Is Godzilla real?" The teacher said, "They're standing right in front of me."