Farm jokes
How do you count cows? -- With a cowculator.
Why did the chicken commit suicide?
To get to the other side.
What did the swearing hen say?
"Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" (It's cluck.)
What did the cussing rooster say?
"Cock-a-doodle-doo, phew!"
What do you call a gay cow? A gay cow.
One day a cow ate a fish.
What came out the other side?
A dead fish.
Shep
Why did the chicken cross the road? I don't know, he can't tell me.
Four cows went to the county fair. They saw a sign that said that next year animals can enter a singing contest. They decided that they would enter next year. So they called their group the "4 Cs Quartet" since their names were Clementine, Candy, Cookie, and Columbine.
They discovered how they could win. After a discussion, they decided to eat as much corn as possible, so they would sing in perfect 4 part hominy.
Why can you never find a virgin cow on a field with no bulls for miles? Just ask the redneck farmer.
What do you get when a cow is caught in an earthquake?
You get a milkshake!
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Your mom.
Mary had a lamb. Her fleece was black as coal. When I tried to touch it that night, next day I went to court.
The cow was stuck because 3 retarded piggies were blocking him.
What did the cow say to the pigs, "MOOOVE!"
Why do shepherds never learn to count?
Because if they did, they would always be falling asleep.
Whenever a woman files a rape accusation, it’s obviously fake. Even the cows at my farm are more likely, at least they aren’t flat.
What did the angry cow say to its enemy?
"We have beef!"
How does a cow become invisible? -- Through camooflage.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the idiot's door.
Knock, knock!
It's the chicken.
Why are cows such great dancers?
They have all the best moooves!
The teacher asked the class to use the word “fascinate” in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, “My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.”
The teacher said, “That was good, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate,’ not 'fascinating'.”
Sally raised her hand. She said, “My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.”
The teacher said, “Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word ‘fascinate’.”
Little Johnny raised his hand, but the teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word “fascinate,” so she called on him.
Johnny said, “My aunt Carolyn has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight!”
The teacher sat down and cried.
What unit of measurement is used on farms? Barn yards.