Fantasy jokes

A dwarf walks into a bar.

He asks for a shot of whiskey. The bartender gives him the 🥃, and it turns into a gallon of whiskey. The bartender sees this and takes it back, and it turns back into a shot of whiskey.

What’s the difference between a Canadian and a unicorn?

Nothing, they’re both mythical creatures.

What do you call a wizard who uses Ice Magic? A: A Blizzard!

When you tell her you are about to "COME," she says no, don't, please just keep going.

Shenron: THAT IS BEYOND MY POWER.

I shidded out my baby, then became a fish.

Kid finds genie lamp, wishes to be Batman.

Genie: You're now an orphan.

What does it sound like when a dragon sings? A fire alarm.

If I fantasize about fucking a UCP Cabinet Minister,

Does that mean I'm sexually Conservative?

What do elves study in school?

The elf-abet.

My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.

Sauron said, "Eye see all."

Why doesn't the witch wear panties?

To get a better grip on her broom stick!

Hodor.

I like it when your mom keeps on top of things.

(Male fantasy)

Yeah, on top of me on the living room carpet, snogging my face off.

Are people still mad at Hasan from that dog incident? All he wanted to do was become the world’s first lightningbender.

Little Timmy is hanging out with Rapunzel, and he mentions Hugo and a few other characters from Varian And The Seven Kingdoms, and she responds with, “Who the frick are you talking about? Since I don’t know them, I got a surprise for you!” She wraps him up in Christmas wrapping paper labeled "For Eugene."

Why did Alice from Wonderland get her butt stuck in the rabbit hole at first? Because she probably ate too many hamburgers and drank too much wine just out of nowhere, then told her butt to hold it in before more food pops out.

What is the difference between a human and a magic car 🚗?

A magic car can fly, and a house 🏡 cannot fly.

There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.

If Selena Gomez wasn't really single after Justin Bieber dumped her, I would wait for her to come by my house, take her fine ass in my room, close my door, and give her some sex medicine until she masturbates.