Why did the mermaid want to go to the evil monster so it could get a real joke? Ha, ah, ah, ha!
Me: I used to laugh at Skyrim jokes like you, then I took an...
Everyone Else: DON'T...FUCKING...SAY IT.
If a wizard gets robbed by a muggle, has he been muggled?
I like unicorns.
There once was a boy named Sammy who loved this girl beyond belief. Her name was Rayne, but she didn’t notice him and or talk to him, but one day she did, and the ended up liking each other and getting married and living happil- wait no, that’s not right. Sammy actually snuck in Rayne's house one day and kidnapped her and locked her in his basement and made her into a puppet so he could keep her forever and ever. The End.
My dick actually destroyed the Death Star.
How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
Running, JK rolling!
A man was mowing his lawn when blue and red stuff came out instead of grass. Next thing he knew, a smurf was on his shoulder asking if he’s seen his friend.
What’s the difference between a Canadian and a unicorn?
Nothing, they’re both mythical creatures.
Why does Peter Pan always fly? Because he Neverlands.
What is the Harry Potter spell that aborts babies?
Fetus Deletus!
Stephen Hawking never wrote a book... it was a Dragon who was naturally speaking.
I had a dream of swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it is just a FANTAsea.
Have you ever wondered how your teachers would look if they were 20 years younger than they actually are? I bet some of them would be smoking hot. Especially my 25-year-old English teacher. I'd bang her if she were 20 years younger.
I had a dream about the whole ocean being filled with orange soda.
Turns out it was a Fanta sea.
How did Voldemort lose his nose?
From uncontrolled Gold Mining!
Voldemort: Knock, knock.
Harry Potter: Who's there?
Voldemort: You know.
Harry Potter: You know who?
Voldemort: Exactly!
A man was having a dream. He dreamt about a mystical creature that was commonly known as the god of toast.
When the man woke up, he turned to tell his wife about the dream. When he delivers the "toast god" punchline, his wife shrugged as she faced the opposite direction to the man.
The man turned around also and started sobbing as he realised his marriage is in shambles.
Why do mermaids wear seashells?
They are too big for “B” shells, and too small for “D” shells.
I wank over Rose Watson.
