Family jokes
So, I just got kicked out of the orphanage library for putting a book about parents in the fiction section.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away.
What does PEMDAS stand for?
Penis enters my dad and sister.
When meeting her parents doesn't require you to leave the house.
Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"
Son: "Nah, mostly men."
Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"
Children are like a box of Christmas decorations. I keep them in my basement until it’s time to hang them from a tree.
Me: Mom, would you get mad at me for something I didn't do?
Mom: No.
Me: Ok, good. I didn't do my homework.
Why can't orphans have a five-star GTA because they're not wanted?
I recently found out that my grandma died. We did an autopsy, and the results came back. They were pretty shocking.
We found out that she died............... from an autopsy.
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, "Son, you now have a child of your own, so I think it's time I gave you this." And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, "Dad, I'm honored," as tears well up in his eyes.
His father says, "Hi, Honored, I'm Dad."
I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck. I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born.
I have no father or no milk. Like if you relate.
Brother: I bought my brother a trampoline today, the ungrateful fuck just sat in his wheelchair and cried.
What is an orphan's favorite show?
Batman.
When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are.” He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
Kenny was into incest until his mom died.
Now he's into necrophilia.
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and your dad is a woman?
Transparent.
An orphan walks into a supermarket, gets lost and calls for his mum, then remembers.
Hi, Dad.
A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette were all lost in the desert. They found a lamp and rubbed it. A genie popped out and granted them each one wish. The redhead wished to be back home. Poof! She was back home. The brunette wished to be at home with her family. Poof! She was back home with her family. The blonde said, "Awwww, I wish my friends were here."