Family jokes

Yo mama is so skinny, she uses floss as toilet paper.

A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a "no". His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, "Why do you keep asking me to croak?" The granddaughter replies, "Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland."

If you have a daughter, give her the same name as the mum; that way when you call for a beer, you get two beers, and when you call for sex, you get two sex...

So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."

Yo mama so fat, when she goes to the movies, she sits next to everyone.

Boy and girl playing hide and seek... girl: "I found you." Boy: "What gave me away?" Girl: "Ur parents obviously."

My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due to his skill in disappearing.

When we were visiting the Hoover Dam, I started to get a bit hungry. I asked my parents, "Where's the dam snack bar?"

What’s pink, nine inches, and makes my wife cry when I shove it down her throat?

Her Miscarriage.

There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."

Jack and Jill went up the hill to go and have some fun.

Silly Jill forgot the pill, and now they have a son.

Why did the orphan become a stripper?

So she could have someone to call daddy.

My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.

I fucc mi brother.

What did the Indian boy say to his mother as he left for school? -- "Mumbai!"

What movie does an orphan want for Christmas? "Spiderman: Homecoming";)

What are the similarities between an orphan and a newborn plant?

Both their parents were separated.

Me: Mom, should I kill the main character in the book I'm writing to make things more interesting?

Mom: Sure, honey! What type of book are you writing?

Me: It's an autobiography.

My sisters ask me, "Are you really a virgin?" I say, "That's nun of your business!"

I have a stepladder. My real ladder left for milk and never came back.