Family jokes
"Oh daddy," the kid said. "I love you so much!"
"Hey," the man responded. "Until we get the DNA test results, I'm just Harry to you!"
Orphan jokes are like families, not everyone gets 'em.
(Also, I banged ya mum ;))
What do you call an orphan who grows up and becomes a priest?
Father Les.
Dr. Brody: Sir, your son has a disease called boofa.
Dad: What's boofa?
Dr. Brody: Both of these nuts in your mouth.
A teacher was teaching her second-grade class about the government, so for homework that one day, she told her students to ask their parents what the government is. When Little Johnny got home that day, he went up to his dad and asked him what the government was. His dad thought for a while and answered, “Look at it this way: I'm the president, your mom is Congress, your maid is the workforce, you are the people and your baby brother is the future.”
“I still don't get it,” responded Little Johnny. “Why don't you sleep on it then? Maybe you'll understand it better,” said the dad. “Okay then...good night,” said Little Johnny and went off to bed. In the middle of the night, Little Johnny was awakened by his baby brother's crying. He went to his baby brother's crib and found that his baby brother had taken a crap in his diaper. So Little Johnny went to his parent's room to get help. When he got to his parent's bedroom, he looked through the keyhole to check if his parents were asleep. Through the keyhole, he saw his mom loudly snoring, but his dad wasn't there. So he went to the maid's room. When he looked through the maid's room keyhole, he saw his dad having sex with his maid. Little Johnny was surprised, but then he just realized something and thinks aloud, "OH!! Now I understand the government! The President is screwing the workforce, Congress is fast asleep, nobody cares about the people, and the future is full of s**t!"
PP almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said, "Just put it in."
What's the difference between my dad and a hooker? Hookers come back.
What do you call a dad in the mirror?
(Your imagination.)
How do you know when your sister is on her period? When your dad's cock tastes of blood.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple? An apple gets picked.
Yo' mama is so fat, her cereal bowl comes with a lifeguard.
My little cousin's birthday was in a few days, and his mom said he wanted Hot Wheels. So I sent him a video of me pushing a paralyzed kid into fire and screaming "HOT WHEELS!"
Why can't orphans go on school trips?
"Parents signature _________"
So I had a friend who was an orphan, and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.
My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better, so I sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wife's broken leg.
Why can't an orphan be gay?
Because they don't have anyone to call "daddy". (My bad if this offended anyone.)
What do you call an octopus dad?
An octodad.
Why was the ant so confused?
All of its uncles were ants.
A wife asked her husband why he cheated on her. His reply was, “She was just lying there naked on the table, what was I supposed to do?” The wife replies, “Change the damn diaper, you idiot.”
You want to hear a dirty joke?
This guy and this girl were having sex when the guy's boss called to ask why he wasn't at work. The guy responds, "I'm sick." His boss replies, "You don't sound sick." The guy says, "I'm fucking my sister" and hangs up the phone.