Family jokes
Daddy bear said, "Somebody's been sleeping in my bed!"
Mummy bear said, "It was probably your whore, Linda!"
Why did the smart orphan lose the tech competition?
The motherboard was nowhere to be found.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
Your grandma is pretty old; she'll die soon.
I want to be loved.
Why are Black women dating white men?
So their kids don’t have to worry about not meeting their father.
Kid: What is the biggest mistake you made in your life?
Parents: Go look above the bathroom sink.
Kid goes and looks, but then he realizes.
Two pedos are on the beach.
One pedo said, "Hey, get out of my son!"
You see, my son is very into astronomy.
Son: How do stars die?
Dad: Usually overdose, son.
I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a line and you break your mommy's spine." She then steps on a line and her mother keels over screaming.
Girl playing outside: "Step on a crack and you break daddy's back." She steps on a crack the mailman next door then keels over screaming.
The husband starts celebrating, gets in the car, and starts to drive away.
The son comes outside and steps on a crack.
The dad then dies in a car crash.
What's the difference between onions and children? Nothing, when you cut one everyone around you cries.
I love my family when they're buried alive.
My kids told me to have a good day, so I left them to their own devices and hoped for the best.
I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.
He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man's wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said:
"I have good news and bad news."
The wife said: "What's the good news?"
"We managed to save his arm."
"What's the bad news?"
"We couldn't save the rest of him."
A little boy decided to burn a house down. The father put his arm around his wife, tears in his eyes, saying, "That's arson."
Yo mama's so ugly, when she was born the doctor slapped your grandma.
We better stop telling orphan jokes because their parents will get mad. Oh... wait... never mind.
So my mom sent a text saying, "I'm gonna need help carrying groceries when I get back." That was 3 months ago.
My dad died in 9/11.
He was the best pilot I ever knew.