Family jokes
Jokes are like your grandparents, old and dead.
A boy sat in his bed, watching a meteor shower. He was a vengeful child and wished that his parents would no longer bother him whilst he was gaming.
The next morning, he woke up to find his mother had passed away in the night. Clearly his wish had worked. However, his father worked a midnight job, and as such the boy was very confused when he returned home from work, expecting him to have met the same fate.
The two of them then looked out the window in thought, only to find the milkman lying dead on the pavement.
Orphans are human, too! They just don't know who their parents are or where! I know four sisters named Mariah, Kariah, Lariah, and Iariah and they said they are orphans, too! And they are sad and they don't like your jokes!
My father left me at a young age.
He was only five.
I walked up to a group of moms having a conversation while waiting to pick up their kids from day care. They were using cutesy words like "ankle biters", "rug rats," and other terms I've heard parents use before when describing their toddlers.
I thought I'd chime in; as it turns out, "carpet muncher" doesn't mean what I thought it does.
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
"Raisin' our kids is usually pretty fun, but sometimes they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin."
What is the difference between an orphan and a mailman?
The mailman goes home at the end of the day.
I rang my boss and said, "I’m really sick. I won’t be coming into work." My boss said, "Davo, you're sick again! Really! Just how sick are you now?" I replied, "Well, I’m in bed with my sister!"
Well, tell her that Halloween is the best holiday because you can hide Easter eggs under the Christmas tree while eating a big Thanksgiving turkey.
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up, and Manners. One day, Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station while Manners tried to help Shit.
When Shut up got to the police station he says, "My brother has just been hit by a car."
The policeman replied with, "OK then, first I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"No, I need to know your name."
"Shut up."
"Excuse me, but where are your manners?"
"Round the corner picking up shit."
Why do orphans go to church?
It’s the only place they can call someone “father.”
Bored? Punch an orphan! Who are they gonna tell, their parents?
What’s the difference between an orphan and an apple?
An apple gets picked.
How do you make an orphan's hands bleed?
You tell him, "Clap your hands until your mom comes."
What's an orphan's favorite game?
"Who's your daddy?"
(Go look up the game)
How many orphans does it take to repair a house? None, they don't have one.
How do adults like their cookies like their orphans?
Homemade.
Yo momma is so hungry that she ate your peanuts!
Why can’t orphans build computers?
They don’t know where to put the motherboard.
Your mom is so fat when you printed the picture, it would not stop printing! 😂🤣