Family jokes
A kid and his dad went to the park. The kid accidentally steps on a cockroach.
They go home immediately and dad gets the scissors. Now the kid has some balls to play with.
*Watches sad movie with family*
Everyone else: *Crying*
Sister: How aren't you crying?
Me: I have no tears left to cry...
Why can't two Chinese people have a white baby? Because two "wongs" don't make a "white."
What’s big, pink, long and makes my 12 year old girlfriend cry when I put it in her mouth?
Her miscarriage.
Why can't orphans eat at a family restaurant?
Because there is no family.
My lil bro <3
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
You're not my dad.
When you accidentally choke your girlfriend to death and then realize that it's your sister so who gives a f**k?
My dad brought me some sunglasses, but it still wasn't enough to keep my son out of my life.
A 14 year old girl finds out she is pregnant. Her: "Crap! My mom is going to kill me!"
The fetus: "lol same here."
Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's dad said, "That's Mr. Wiggles." Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy's mom said, "Don't look down." Timmy looked down. Timmy said, "What's that?" Timmy's mom said, "That's my garden." Timmy's mom said, "Don't look up." Timmy looked up. Timmy said, "What are those?" Timmy's mom said, "Those are her headlights." Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents. His parents said, "Don't look under the covers." Timmy looked under the covers. Timmy yelled, "MOMMY, MOMMY, MR. WIGGLES IS ATTACKING YOUR GARDEN! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS!"
What do you call an orphan family photo?
A selfi.
A girl came to my house. She said, "Where are your parents?" I started crying.
Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: "Can I have some milk?"
He waited for three hours to get an answer.
His mom finally said: "No, your dad still isn't back with it."
I was eating this girl out the other night, and I tasted horse semen, so I said to her, "Oh, that's how you died, grandma!"
Why couldn't the orphan buy chips?
They were all family sized.
I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.
"Guess what my wife left in the freezer?"
"Her miscarriage."
Noticing how wet and gentle the baby's mouth was on the bottle tip, this gave Uncle Willie an idea.
If your parents never had children, chances are, you won't either.