Family jokes

Why did the smart orphan lose the tech competition?

The motherboard was nowhere to be found.

So you decide one day to ask your son if he wants to f**k, do you do it for 3 hours, then you realize how will I explain another pregnancy to my sterile husband?

Why can't orphans play softball?

Because they don't know where home base is.

What’s an orphan's favorite game?

Hide and seek.

You see, my son is very into astronomy.

Son: How do stars die?

Dad: Usually overdose, son.

I'm such an asshole to my son, my wife divorced me.

Yo mama so fat, she died!

Cousin: Hey, is that an octopus?

Me: Yes, what, it is just an octopus.

Cousin: Oh yeah, ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Octopus touch me!

Me: What, it is just one..... ummmmm dad cousin d[id].

Ok, here's a story about the church.

There were two parents, then they had a baby. Then they go to the church and the baby was getting a cross on his forehead. Guess he was big headed. Sorry if this offends anyone or makes this joke bad since I keep writing this.

I had a dad.

One day, a man was walking in an alley when a crackhead attacks him. So the man shoots him in the head and runs inside his home. When he goes to his wife, she asks him if he saw her dad.

Your mum was so poor that she went to rob the bank, but she left because she couldn't find the cameras. She left her son, and the security [girl] gave him the camera.

How do orphan jokes start?

Checking your shoulder.

Why did the orphan chase the family? Because he was jealous that he did not have a family.

My kids [are] so damn bad[.] We took them to Disney in Florida. They paid me not to bring them back ever.

Me: When I saw an orphan on the street in rags.

Also me: Are you okay?

Orphan: Yeah, what gave it away?

Me: Because you have no family.

Why did the orphan say, "Help?" He needed his brother.

My parents gave me a blowjob. It was a blowtastic time!

Why can't an orphan suck my nut?

A girl can, one knows how.

My mother said I'm sexy. I said no, I have cancer.

What's the difference between a boomerang and my dad?

My dad came back!