Family jokes

Why is it okay to hit an orphan?

It's not like they're going to tell their parents.

A mom and her son are taking a walk when they pass a homeless man fapping. The boy asks, "What is that man doing?" The mom says, "Making pizza," trying to turn him away.

The son sees a dog fucking another dog and he asks the same thing. She says, "Making extra cheese." When they pass a window and see a couple doing it, he asks the same thing. She says, "Ordering the pizza."

Later that day, the mother says to the father, "I think I want to order some pizza with extra cheese tonight, don't know why that sounds good."

So that night, the husband who was watching tv yelled up the stairs, "Wanna order some pizza!?"

The mother replied, "DON'T WORRY I'M MAKING SOME!"

The son's voice followed, "I'M ADDING EXTRA CHEESE!"

What's the difference between MH370 and my dad?

Both disappeared, but one killed 239 people.

Why can’t an orphan play baseball? Because they can’t find home.

Why can orphans not grow big and strong? Because they need a parent to buy them steroids.

All these 9/11 jokes need to stop.

My uncle died in 9/11. At least he died doing what he loves: flying planes.

Mom, (DYM 147)

What's the difference between your mom and a mosquito?

Answer: The mosquito stops sucking if you slap hard enough.

Why was the chicken black and the other were white? Adoption!

Once I went to watch a match in Portugal. It was between Penaldo and his kids. The referee was Georgiana (his wife). Mpaypal and Igayspeed were also there. The match began, and his kids scored two goals in the first 10 minutes. Then, when the match was about to end, Penaldo got angry and asked his wife for penalties. His wife declined, and he tortured and beat her up and took 10 penalties (missed 7 of them) but won 3-2. Shame on you, Penaldo! 😡😡😡

My son is such a miserable brat, I bought him a brand new trampoline for Christmas and all he wants to do is sit in his wheelchair and cry.

Q: How to hit an orphan?

A: Hit them with a family tree.

My brothers kept annoying me.

I told them I would disembowel them if they kept it up.

It was an empty threat—right after I was done.

Why don't orphans go to the park?

Because their parents aren't there to push them on the swing!

I'd like to have kids one day.

I don't think I could stand them any longer than that, though.

How did a man know his wife died?

Dishis start piling up.

My dad told me Santa was black, so instead of cookies and milk waiting for him when he came down the chimney, he got cornbread and purple Kool-Aid.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water?

Because their dad never came back with milk.

My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, I can't wait to meet him! 🥰🥰🥰

My stepdad took me to work, and he told me I could climb trees.

I woke up in a hospital. Wait, did I mention that my stepdad was a lumberjack?