Family jokes

Your sister is so stupid, she only thinks an onion will make people cry.

So I threw a coconut at her.

This isn't a joke.

There was a homeless family in need of a room, but the guy said no more rooms because they were homeless. So, they got into a barn, and the mother gave birth to a young healthy boy. Before you say anything bad to a homeless man, that little boy was born on December 25th. Guess who it is.

JESUS CHRIST!!!!!! STOP HURTING THE HOMELESS PEOPLE AND START HELPING THEM!!!!!!!!

My brother truly is a numbskull.

Imagine not having a dad.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

An apple gets picked.

When the school shooter enters the classroom and it's the quiet kid's dad.

Knock, knock.

Who's there?

Alabama.

Alabama who?

Alabama your cousin.

Why do orphans go to public schools?

Who's going to homeschool them?

There are days I feel really bad for my Wife. She has to feed me in the same place I take a dump.

She really hates it when I spit my food back out.

I made a website about orphans.

It didn’t have a homepage though.

My sister said I was only allowed to grate cheese, so I said to her that I’d prove her wrong.

The next day my mum asked me why my cheese was tan, and I said it was my own special recipe. My mum loved the cheese but she didn’t like it much after the funeral.

My grandpa is a great hero. He's the one who shot Hitler.

What's the most confusing day of the year for an illegitimate kid?

Father's Day.

Where's my sister's friend? Oh, I forgot, we are in Alabama.

"Knock, knock." "Who's there?" "Your mom." "Your mom who?" "It's not your mom, it's my mom!"

Why was the orphan so good at baseball?

Because his coach said, "Go long or go home."

Why do orphans go to church?

Because they have someone to call "Father."

It’s all fun and games at “take your kid to work day” until you realize your dad is a suicide bomber.

I told my kids to smile with the monkeys in the open zoo.

They never got together at all.

If you were born in September, it's pretty safe to assume that your parents started their new year with a bang.