Family jokes

Friend: Ur sister after you were born. 😭

Me: Ur brother after chemotherapy. 😵

What do my cock and money have in common?

Your mom.

I got sent to the principal's office for giving an orphan kid a family-size pack.

I started crying when Dad started cutting onions.

Onions was a good dog.

What's a native chick say after sex?

"Get off me, Dad, you're crushing my smokes!"

Hi, son.

What’s the difference between a chicken and an orphan?

The chicken is actually used for something.

There was a kid in my class who said my face looked like a physical reaction (we were learning about that stuff at the time), so I said I made a chemical reaction with his mom last night.

Beans, your mum is fat!

I got my son a bike for his birthday. The ungrateful fucker just sat in his wheelchair all day crying.

Why'd my grandpa fall over?

'Cause I clapped his cheeks, fool!

Your mum... payed other people to take you!!!!

Why can't my grandma talk?

Because she's dead.

I feel wrong. What does this make us?

Still cousins.

You wonder where my dad is.

Meanwhile, Dad: It's good to be at milk island!

What is the difference between an orphan and an apple tray? The apple tray gets picked.

Your mom is a joke.

Why can't orphans have an iPhone?

They can't find the home button.

Why do orphans have water in cereal?

Because mom was never around to produce milk.

What did the mama nut say to her son?

“If I ever cashew doing that, I walnut be happy.”