Family jokes

Why can’t orphans learn about ancient Egypt?

Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.

I'm not saying you're inbred. I'm just saying you're a textbook example of why consanguineous marriage might not be the best idea.

Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?

Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.

The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.

Q: Why can't orphans be on a football team?

A: Because they won't know where to go on a home game.

Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.

Me: Wow, they found the body already?

Dad: :/

What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?

Only one is wanted.

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

Your mama is so ugly that her birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom company.

Teacher: Where were you born?

Student: The highway.

Teacher: What do you mean?

Student: I don't know, my mom says that's where all the accidents happen.

Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."

How did the black woman name her 4 babies?

Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.

How did she differentiate them?

She called them by their last names.

The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.

It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.

Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?

Mum: See the four birds over there?

Kid: Huh, wait a minute.

Mum: A drunk person would see eight.

Kid: Mum, but there is only two.

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?

Because no one’s looking for them.

My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.

What's the difference between my sister and my phone? I don't give a damn if my phone dies.

Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?

So that they can be wanted.

I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.