Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?
Only one is wanted.
Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.
Me: Wow, they found the body already?
Dad: :/
Eric's mom asked her son why his bag was heavy and if it was because of books. Eric replied, "No, magazines."
I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."
How did the black woman name her 4 babies?
Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.
How did she differentiate them?
She called them by their last names.
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
My kids found me in the family tree. I was hanging there for hours.
Why can’t orphans learn about ancient Egypt?
Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?
Milk, because his parents never came back with it.
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
I'm not saying you're inbred. I'm just saying you're a textbook example of why consanguineous marriage might not be the best idea.
Why do orphans wanna be a criminal?
So that they can be wanted.
What's the difference between my sister and my phone? I don't give a damn if my phone dies.
A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.
Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.
How did the hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her son's dick tasted funny.
I bought my son a fridge for Christmas. I can't wait to see his face light up when he opens it.
Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"
Kenny is living with his girlfriend now.
He just moved back in with his mom.
