Family jokes

I can’t watch anime anymore when my friend’s grandpa is in the house.

He hasn’t heard a Japanese person scream since the war.

Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?

Because no one’s looking for them.

My aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.

Things to kids:

Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."

A Good Parent: "My baby!"

Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)

I told my new girlfriend that my mother is deaf.

So she would have to speak loudly and slowly.

I told my mother that my new girlfriend is disabled. Now we wait.

My grandma asked me if I could visit her.

I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.

How did the black woman name her 4 babies?

Tyrone, Tyrone, Tyrone, and Tyrone.

How did she differentiate them?

She called them by their last names.

Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?

Mum: See the four birds over there?

Kid: Huh, wait a minute.

Mum: A drunk person would see eight.

Kid: Mum, but there is only two.

I will always remember my grandfather's last words: "I'll just check if it's poisonous."

What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?

Milk, because his parents never came back with it.

How do you find out if your kid is gay?

Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.

Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."

When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?

I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.

So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."

When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.

“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”

Why can’t orphans learn about ancient Egypt?

Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.

What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?

Only one is wanted.

Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?

Son: Sure thing, dad!

Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!

Son: I don't get the joke, dad.

Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.

The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.