Family jokes
What does Mrs. Grapes 🍇 love the most?
Raisin' kids.
Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"
Son: "Nah, mostly men."
Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?
Because no one’s looking for them.
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
My grandma asked me if I could visit her.
I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
Why can’t orphans learn about ancient Egypt?
Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?
Milk, because his parents never came back with it.
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.
So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."
Parents: "I'm taking your toys to the orphanage." Kid: "Why?" Parents: "So you don't get bored there."
When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?
What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?
Only one is wanted.
Dad: Hey son, wanna hear a joke?
Son: Sure thing, dad!
Dad: Your mother and I are getting a divorce. She found out that I was sleeping with the neighbor's dog!
Son: I don't get the joke, dad.
Dad: It's my life, son! My life is the joke.
The orphan started crying at school when he got suspended and had to go home.
I'm not saying you're inbred. I'm just saying you're a textbook example of why consanguineous marriage might not be the best idea.
Mom: Are you seriously gonna die?
Me: No. Don't worry. Suicide is the last thing I'll do.