Family jokes
My mom telling me the brief history of the blanket and how she received it from her cousin. ( ╹▽╹ )
Me sitting anxiously in place pretending to be amazed by the story, and reacting with kind cheerfulness and a big smile. (◍•ᴗ•◍)
All I can actually think about: "I m@sturbated under it- aaaaaah" ಠ◡ಠ
Why did the orphan rob the bank?
To be wanted.
My mom asked, "Why are you so depressed? It could be worse. You could be Tracy Latimer."
I replied, "I wish I were Tracy Latimer because then someone would kill me."
Kid: Dad, what's an orphan?
Dad:
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?
Because they don't need permission from their parents.
My brother
What do you call Joe from Family Guy in an electric wheelchair?
RoboCop.
Yo mama slept with so many guys she's starting to look like one.
I photo bombed someone's selfie, and then they yelled, "Why would you do that? I was trying to take a family photo!"
Why do orphans like the iPhone 12 Pro?
Because there is no home button.
My friend was pissed off with me. I was sniffing his sister's knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward.
I made a website for an orphan.
It had no homepage.
Q: Why did baby shark cross the Pacific Ocean?
A: To find his dad.
This had me wheezing 😂🤣😂🤣
Why can't orphans play catch?
Because they don't have parents to catch the ball.
A sister told her brother to walk to the store, buy some candy, and watch a movie with her while eating the candy.
But he couldn't walk because he has no legs. He couldn't buy candy because he has no arms. He couldn't watch a movie because he was blind, and he couldn't eat because he has no stomach. Who said he was real?
Why can't an orphan go on a field trip?
'Cause they need parent registration!
Me: I want a PS5.
Dad: Alright, I will say no.
One day my pet barked at me and so I got scared and was my dad actually. It was weird, you should’ve saw him and so the day goes on because he likes to run around the house that he likes to do it out 😂😂😂😂😱
Being an orphan isn’t all bad.
On the bright side, all your snacks are family sized.
Potters are dead xoxoxoxoxox.
My family is lucky I was born so smart. Every time my Dad is struggling at work, he always turns to me when he needs to get ahead.