Family jokes
So I didn't want my mom going through my laptop, so I put a touch screen on it where you just have to tap the screen to unlock it. Jokes on her, she doesn't have any fingers.
Teacher: I was an orphan once.
Student: Oof.
Teacher: Who are we missing?
Student: Your parents.
What does Mrs. Grapes 🍇 love the most?
Raisin' kids.
Q: How do you know a wishing well works?
A: If your mother-in-law falls down it.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with 3 legs?
Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with 2 legs?
Your mom.
My grandma asked me if I could visit her.
I told her no, I don’t like graveyards.
Kid: Mum, how do you know someone is drunk?
Mum: See the four birds over there?
Kid: Huh, wait a minute.
Mum: A drunk person would see eight.
Kid: Mum, but there is only two.
When you push your grandma out of her wheelchair and steal it.
“They see me rollin’, they hatin’.”
Why can’t kids at an orphanage play hide and seek?
Because no one’s looking for them.
Why do Black people go to a confession stand at the Catholic Church?
They wanna know what it’s like to speak to a father.
Why can’t orphans learn about ancient Egypt?
Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
Today, I decided to go visit my childhood home. I asked the residents if I could come inside because I was feeling nostalgic, but they refused and slammed the door in my face.
My parents are the worst.
What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?
Milk, because his parents never came back with it.
How do you find out if your kid is gay?
Lock him in a closet and if he comes out, he's gay. If not, he's dead straight.
I was told to burn calories, so I threw your mom in the fire.
What's the difference between an escaped prisoner and an orphan?
Only one is wanted.
Dad: School is canceled, I think your teacher died or something.
Me: Wow, they found the body already?
Dad: :/
So the teacher goes up to you and says, "I'm going to call your parents." Me: "Good luck finding them."
When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?