So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"
Family Jokes
There are only 363 days in a year for orphans because Mother's Day and Father's Day don't count.
What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.
Parents: "OH! Honey, we were just wrestling!"
Little Johnny: "OK! I'll join you!"
What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up.
If you get it, you get it.
I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.
Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I've ever made.
Then I realize, "My daughter isn't THAT bad..."
What's the difference between a black dad and a boomerang? A boomerang comes back.
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.
Why was Sally at the hospital after her parents left? Because they put her up for adoption.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."
How do you know when your sister is on her period? When your dad's cock tastes of blood.
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
How do you circumcise a redneck?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
Yo mama's feet are so fat, she had to wear a sock on each toe.
Yo mama so fat she broke the stairway to heaven...
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
