Family jokes
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."
Why did the orphan not have a girlfriend?
Because he thought that she would leave him too.
"I hate when people make 9/11 jokes because my grandfather died during the Twin Tower attacks. He was the best pilot in Saudi Arabia."
How many beaten children does it take to change a light bulb for a drunken father?
Apparently not enough to impress him.
My mom told me yesterday that in this Valentine, we should take our love to new heights. So tomorrow I'm prepared to fuck her in "The Hot Seat" position.
My principal called my mom at school and said, "You should teach your son well." After coming back home, at first she taught me sex!
Why did the orphan sleep outside? ... Because he gets to wake up to Mother Nature.
An orphan goes to a doctor.
Doctor: "Sorry, I can't help you."
Orphan: "But why?"
Doctor: "I'm a family doctor."
"F" stand for family, that's why "orphan" is spelled with "ph."
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
An apple gets picked.
What's the only good thing about being an orphan?
All snacks are family sized!
My dad's the oldest, and when he was young, he shot my grandpa's balls off, but I thought about it. How does my dad have younger brothers?
Me and my stepmom went into the forest.
I think I hid the body pretty well, but now I have to hide the gun.
Kidnapping is just surprise adoption.
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.
One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."
Why go across the street when you can just go down the hall, lol?
So I was at home, and I went to take a shower, and I accidentally walked in on my brother having sex with some girl. So I left. A couple minutes later, I needed my headphones to listen to music, so I asked my mom where she was. She told me she was in the shower. Our house only has one bathroom. Sweet home Alabama.
So, Little Johnny's teacher is warned at the beginning of the school year not to ever make a bet with Johnny unless she is absolutely sure she will win it. One day in class, Johnny raises his hand and says, "Teacher, I'll bet you $50 I can guess what color your underwear is." She replies, "Okay, meet me after class and we'll settle it." But before class ends, she goes to the restroom and removes her panties. After class is over and the students clear out, Johnny makes his guess. "Blue." "Nope. You got it wrong," she says as she lifts her skirt to reveal she isn't wearing any underwear. "Well, come with me out to my dad's car, he's waiting for me, and I'll get you the money." She follows him out. When they get to the car, she informs his dad that he got the bet wrong and that she showed Johnny that she wasn't wearing any underwear. His dad exclaims: "That mother fucker! He bet me $100 this morning that he'd see your pussy before the end of the day!"