What's Saudi Arabia's highest rated sitcom? -- How I bought your mother.
Family Jokes
Parents: "OH! Honey, we were just wrestling!"
Little Johnny: "OK! I'll join you!"
What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.
You know if you go to Wal-Mart, and go to the milk section, you might just find your dads.
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up.
If you get it, you get it.
I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.
Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I've ever made.
Then I realize, "My daughter isn't THAT bad..."
What's the difference between a black dad and a boomerang? A boomerang comes back.
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.
Why was Sally at the hospital after her parents left? Because they put her up for adoption.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."
How do you know when your sister is on her period? When your dad's cock tastes of blood.
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
How do you circumcise a redneck?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
My grandma refused to be an organ donor. She was buried with all her musical instruments.
Yo mama's feet are so fat, she had to wear a sock on each toe.
Yo mama so fat she broke the stairway to heaven...
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
