I was making sandcastles with my Nan, then my mum came in the room and took away the urn.
Parents: "OH! Honey, we were just wrestling!"
Little Johnny: "OK! I'll join you!"
Billy: *spits out food*
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: *looks at mom*
Mom: Shut up.
If you get it, you get it.
What did the orphan say to his parents? Nothing, cause they left him.
There are only 363 days in a year for orphans because Mother's Day and Father's Day don't count.
You know if you go to Wal-Mart, and go to the milk section, you might just find your dads.
Why was Sally at the hospital after her parents left? Because they put her up for adoption.
My mom said she will slam my head into my computer if I don't get off it. I'm not too worried though, I think she is just joking.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Dave. Dave who? Dave proceeds to break into tears as his grandmother's Alzheimer's has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember him.
So, a daughter goes to her dad and says, "Daddy, can I borrow the car?" He then tells her, "You know what to do." So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust, and says, "Ugh, tastes like shit." Her dad then said, "Damn, I forgot your brother took the car."
How do you know when your sister is on her period? When your dad's cock tastes of blood.
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
"Oh no, Tom's an idiot, what did he name my daughter?" she asked the nurse.
"Denise."
"That's not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?"
"Tom Junior."
How do you circumcise a redneck?
You kick his sister in the jaw.
Yo mama so fat she broke the stairway to heaven...
So there I was, having a fantastic time going down on my nan.
When suddenly I got a nasty taste in my mouth.
"Wait a minute," I said. This distinctly tastes like horse semen.
Then it clicked.
"Ah, so that's how you died."
I'll never forget how my grandmother died. "This lemonade tastes like bleach..."
What's better than sex with your 12 year old sister?
Rolling her over and pretending it's your 10 year old brother.
What is an orphan's favorite show?
Batman.
One day I was walking around, then saw this mom mad at her kid and screamed, "You're adopted!" He said, "Yeah, I know. My REAL mommy is still at home with daddy."
What's an orphan's favorite part in the Wizard of Oz?
When Dorothy says, "There's no place like home."
