Family jokes
Yo mama so ugly, we all are trying to help her look better.
I'm 5'6", and my mom is 5'1" and 1/2. She always says she's going to get a suicide vest and fill it with bricks and squish me. I tell her good luck.
And when she tries to hug me, she says, "You're too fucking tall, kid," so I usually reply with "Go get a stool then."
Your hairline and my grandpa go wayyyyy back.
What is the difference between an Apple and an orphan?
The apples get picked.
Why do orphans like cows?
Because when they leave, they bring back the milk.
Little off topic but...
Mum: You wouldn't be here without me.
Son: And my birth certificate is a sorry letter from the condom factory.
Mum: Fair point.
What can Miles Morales do that Spiderman can't?
Hug his parents.
Why do police never put an orphan in prison? It's too much like a home.
Where can't orphans park?
Parent child.
Why did the orphan stop playing baseball?
Because baseball has a home, and an orphan does not.
Laugh now.
Why are dogs different than orphans?
Because dogs don't cry for their parents.
Why do orphans rob the bank?
Because they want to be wanted.
Bin Laden's relatives were killed in a plane crash, lol.
What's the difference between a baseball game and an orphan?
There's a home to go back to.
Why did the orphan get an iPhone 14 for his birthday? Because it has no home button.
Your mama so fat that when she sits around the house, she literally sits around the house.
Steve Kerr really named his son Nick.
Your mama is so stupid. We were playing catch, and I told her to go deep. She grabbed a shovel and dug a hole.
Your mama is so stupid.
Your dad said, "You're driving me crazy," so your mom handed him the keys and said, "You can drive."
If you're having a bad day, just slap an orphan. Who are they going to tell? Their parents?