Family jokes
Friend: Hi.
Me: Do you know how lost their dad is?
Friend: Me?
Me: Damn, no, not you.
Friend: Then who?
Me: The orphan kid.
I guess we're the same.
My bad, but you stink so bad you passed by a trashcan and it yelled, "Wow! I didn't know I had family!"
When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Kid: Hey, Mum, why are we pushing the car off the cliff?
Mum: Shut up, son, you’ll wake your father!
Why can’t orphans play baseball?
Because I can’t hit a home run. 💀💀💀
Memes
my son
My mum is a vegan. She brings us to after school seitan.
Your hairline goes even further back than the last time your parents said "I love you."
Yo mama so ugly when she looked in the mirror, her reflection threw up and ran away.
What’s the difference between a photocopier and the flu?
One makes facsimiles; the other makes sick families.
Okay, what do you call that purple thing in your mom's top dresser drawer that she calls her best best friend for some weird reason?
Dad better look out from Bob, battery-operated boyfriend, hahaha!
Your dad is Spider-Man because he’s far from home.
Yo mama is so strict that in The Outsiders, she was Darry.
The way you are so ugly your parents even regret the day you were born.
The way you are so black when your mom is bathing you in the dark, she has to put flour in the water to see you.
🤣🤣🤣
The only thing running in THIS family’s your big ass mouth! Oh, I’d better shut up, or Big Bertha’s gonna confuse my head for a burger!
I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂
I wondered why there was red all over my bathroom til I found out that my sis had dyed her hair red. Man, it looked like somebody died in there! Lol.
Knock knock. Who's there? Well, I will tell you who's not there: my dad.
My Mom said she's going to kill me if I don't stop using my computer.
While I was waiting for your mum to waddle past, I missed a whole season of my TV show!
"One man's trash is another man's treasure."
It's a wonderful phrase, but a terrible way to find out you're adopted.