Family jokes

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good. He died during 9/11.

Why can you hit an orphan?

They can't tell their parents.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

The joke I'm telling is my brother, Joey.

My dad is so good at hiding, even the FBI can't find him.

I worry about him sometimes.

Me: What do you call an orphan?

Friend: Homeless.

Your momma is so ugly, the director thought she was a real zombie.

A young boy asked his Dad, "Was it true that we come from a Stork?"

Dad said, "It is, Son."

Son says, "Who fucks a Stork?"

I don't got free candy. It costs child support.

What’s the difference between a mistake and an orphan?

At least the mistake was loved.

One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"

What’s an orphan’s least favorite drink?

Milk, because no one came back with any.

How do orphans have names because they don't have anyone to give them names?

Why are orphans so bad at baseball?

Because they do not know where home is.

Yo mom's so fat, I went over to her house a few years ago and wanted to watch TV.

So I asked for the TV remote, and she's still trying to get it!

I started crying when Dad was chopping onions.

Onions was a good dog.

What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apples get picked.

What's the best competition to do with an orphan?

Which orphan had their parent for the longest?

Why do orphans hate plane rides?

Because there’s no home to come back to.

My mom loves balls.

But my dad has been gone for the last 4 years.