Family jokes

Your mom is so fat that when she saw Moby Dick, she said, "We are family... even though you're bigger than me."

Hey girl, are you an orphan?

Oh, that’s right, I’m your daddy.

My family was watching Home Alone 2, so whenever Kevin was at the top of the Twin Towers, I threw a paper airplane at the T.V.

Knock knock.

Orphan: Who's there?

Not your parents.

Orphan: Hey, where's the milk?

Dad: . . .

Doin' ya mom oh yeah oh yeah, doin' doin' ya mom!

Your mother is so fast, she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack.

Mom said dad had the best pullout game... now I'm an uncle.

So, my mom looked in the mirror today, and we need a new one.

Hey, Mom, I'm back from the circus parade. It was amazing! First came the elephants, then came the tigers in the cage, and then came a beautiful lady on a white stallion. Oh, and what came after her?

Asked the mother, "Dad and every sailor in the state of Tennessee," said the boy.

POV: Your mum is a bomber.

If y'all gotta crush on me, tell me now before my dad spends my Valentine's money on crack and alcohol.

Kid: Your mom!

Orphan: (cries)

What feature does an orphan's phone not have?

A home button.

Ya nan!

What does Pikachu and an orphan have in common?

Pikachu, I choose you!

If you're bored, punch an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

My mom interrupted my gaming session to tell me to hang up the lights.

I hung something else instead.

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was 5.

Their family portrait is also a dating app.