Family jokes

"Hey Modda, I'm hungry."

My mom smashed my Xbox, so I smashed her daughter. 😏

Your hairline is running away faster than when your dad went to get milk, and that’s saying something.

Mum: Why are roses red?

Child: Stop, Mum, you never make jokes.

Mum: I made you.

Why can't you teach an orphan new tricks?

Because there is no one to teach them.

Why can't an orphan watch T.V.?

Because it can't find the home button.

Your mom's hot.

Q: Why are orphans bad at baseball?

A: They can’t find home.

I will call my kid Monday, because whenever I see him, I feel disappointment.

Ur mom gay.

My dad and I were talking and my cat left the room.

So I said, "I guess she wasn't feline it."

My dad said, "You've got to be kitten me, that was purrfect!"

I said, "Literally."

Mom: See that guy over there with no hands, tell him to clap.

Son: Mom, I'm blind.

Mom: Exactly!

10 years ago my dad went to get milk. He said when he got back, he was going to tell me a joke. That joke better be worth it!

So a kid asks his dad, "Why was I born?"

The dad replies, "I thought that girl was dead!"

How would Steven Hawking's mom punish him as a kid?

Power off his chair.

What do you call a soda can’s dad? Pop!

I guess Grandpa took the elevator to Heaven.

He definitely didn't make it up the stairs.

What's the similarity between a 14-year-old girl and the fetus inside her?

They're both thinking, "Oh fuck, mom is gonna kill me!"

Why can orphans type? Because they can’t find the home row.

Wife: Honey, I love you.

Husband: I love you all.

Wife: Awww.......... Wait WHAT?!?!??!