Family jokes
As a son, I like sports, and I watch sports with my mom. So one day, we were looking at football. My mom asked me who makes the most money. I said the quarterback.
My mom told me I'm going to get a quarterback as my new boyfriend, and it'll be your new stepfather. A week later, my mom went out. I came home, and I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said, "What's going on?" My mom said, "Look, my new boyfriend and new stepfather is the high school quarterback." My mom said, "See, mission accomplished." I said, "Yeah, job well done."
Yo mama's so dumb, she trips over the wireless internet.
What do you call the worst joke ever?
Well, according to my mom, I am.
I asked, "Mom, what's that in the sky?"
Mom replied with, "That's your father."
What do Myspace and my dad have in common?
I haven't seen them in a while.
If an old person tells you what to do just say, "At least my parents are alive!"
My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed, but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.
I think my family is racist.
I brought a black girl home, and my wife went crazy and told me to pack my bags, and my kids were upset.
I asked my mother about her mom.
She said she was in a better place. After that, I asked her where that place is. She didn't know, so I sent her to a better place.
Why couldn't an orphan play baseball?
He couldn't find home plate.
What is harder than steel?
My cousin at the family reunion.
Why do Black people dip their Oreos in water?
Because daddy never came back home with the milk.
When I was 8, my sister was half my age. I am 60 now, how old is my sister?
Comments: 30! Give me an easier question next time!
One time I walked into a room and I saw a man and a dwarf, and I soon found out that the man was the dwarf's father, and I noticed that the dwarf really looked up to him.
Hi, father, I failed the class, you mommy!
The Britains walk in the house of the alcoholic grandad. They ask Mary, the mum, why she had blood all over her, and she said someone dropped the butter. They walked into the living room, and Thomas was dead on the floor.
Why do orphans love foster homes?
Because they actually have a home.
What's the difference between me and my mate...
I left my dad, while hers left with their friend Cancer.
My mom said, "You are in big trouble!"
I said, "Are you going to punish me?"
A teacher wanted to sing, so she did. This is what she said:
"You have no family, even though you're broker than me."