Family jokes

I would take out the trash, but my mom said you weren't ready!!! XD

If you're pan, all you have to do is get a sibling and make them get your parents to the outside of the pantry, and you burst out and then say you're pansexual!

If your parents ever accuse you of lying... Say, "You're the one who told me about Santa Claus!"

What's the difference between my dad cumming and cancer?

Nothing, they both stain.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.

Why are orphans and bananas so much alike? Because they both get split.

Why do orphans love table tennis? Because that is the only love they're getting.

If you’re ever bored, punch an orphan. What are they gonna do? Tell their parents?

Granny says don't worry, the cries of pain are only my ex-husband's.

Mom: Son, get up for school.

Son: I AM UP *holds up books and says I'm up* IM UP MOM!

Son: Hey, Dad, I'm cold. Can you give me a lift from work?

Dad: Hi Cold, nice to meet you. Sorry, I don't pick up strangers.

Son: I hate you!

Why can’t orphans play baseball?

Because they can’t find their home.😁😁

Why is an orphan really good at being naughty?

Because they have no one to tell them off.

Why do orphans go to church?

So at least they will have someone to call father.

If you're mad, hire an orphan, what are they gonna do, tell their parents? 🤣🤣

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because they can't find home! 😂🤣

Why can't an orphan play baseball?

Because they can't find home plate.

Me and my brother talking about relationships.

Me: We live kind of differently.

Brother: We're sort of alike.

Me: We're not alike.

Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!

My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!

Why can’t orphans go on field trips?

Because they need a parent’s signature.

Q: Why can't orphans play baseball?

A: They can't find home.